SECRETS’ CORNER: Man chastised for act
The bedrock of every relationship is trust and honesty.
When people lose that in their union it is difficult to regain it, as in many instances it can’t be resuscitated, and that normally signals the end.
Of course, when two people come together, whether or not they’re married, as long as they commit to each other one would hope that things work out. But sometimes hormones intervene and reason and accountability go through the window.
That was the basis for this week’s question: Your partner of three years says he loves you and has never given you reason to doubt him. But a woman comes to your workplace with an eight-month-old child and claims that it is his, and on her finger is a ring that you had given him, which he claimed that he had lost. How do you go about dealing with this situation?
This scenario is enough to anger any woman on so many levels. One, their partner would be a cheat and a liar. Two, he would be reckless in that he had intercourse without using protection; and three, he would be dumb to choose someone who is so tacky and classless that she would seek to confront you at your workplace.
After the initial shock of this encounter most women would be ready to give their partner his walking papers.
And can you blame her?
He said his ring was lost and yet it is on this woman’s hand. Imagine, that is the ring she gave him. It means he has no respect for his wife at all!
And he compounds this by discussing his wife with this woman as she knows where to bring the child to make the wife feel badly. That is dastardly!
One irate woman commented: “Women put up with a lot of crap from the men they love but this is where I draw the line. Cheating is one thing but to cheat and have unprotected sex and then to further impregnate the woman for me is the unforgivable sin!
“I would invite the woman and child to our home and confront him about it. If he acknowledges the child as his, I know in myself it will hurt but I will end the relationship.
“If he doesn’t, and I believe it is his child, I would encourage the woman to put [him] in court and still end the relationship.
“Dealing with baggage from previous relationships is standard but to bring that baggage in after we have already established a relationship is a definite no-no!”
Another woman took a more conciliatory approach: “Rings are not unique and anyone can claim anything, so verify before acting. If the woman is correct, move on and let him be a father to his child.”
But others who commented on the case gave the man a thumbs-down and suggested that this wife should kick him to the kerb.
One male, however, came out swinging for the man in question. He said: “The problem in this country is that many people marry too early and they are hitched to people they don’t share a lot in common with. As the years go on, this uncomfortable matter becomes more serious as the couple grows further apart because of pressures of work, children, paying bills and less intimacy. That is when many men act out their fantasies with simple women, and that is when some of them are caught like this man.
“These types of things can be avoided if more couples were honest about their real likes and dislikes, especially when it comes to intimacy. It is usually when people can be honest about what they enjoy in their partner that they feel better about their relationship and can strive for greater closeness.”
The majority of those who participated in the debate disagreed with this position.
The bottom line therefore is that men should be true to their partners.