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DEAR CHRISTINE: I’m still crazy over first love

BEA DOTTIN, [email protected]

DEAR CHRISTINE: I’m still crazy over first love

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Dear Christine,
I had my first boyfriend at the age of 13. He was 17 at the time. We were together for two years and were sexually active.
We were so much in love, but his mother lived in another country and took him and his siblings back to that country. We were separated for 28 years. He now has four children and a grandchild living in that country.
Five years ago he relocated to Britain where he was born and married a woman from Britain a year ago. He and his wife came to the island on vacation but I never got the chance to see him. However, he left his number with a friend and asked me to give him a call. I did and he was very happy to hear my voice.
We have been communicating for six months now. He calls me often and, at times, I also call him. Christine, he tells me things like he made a mistake and loves me and he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.
He has asked me not to marry anyone else as I was the one he should have married. He has also told me that he is saving towards building a home in Barbados for both of us.
Christine, I am now 41 years old, still single and have no children. I do not like the fact that he has so many children since I usually do not like men who have children.
However, I love him with all my heart and soul, but I have not told him this. He is not of the same religion as I am but he has told me that I can have my own religion and he can have his.
Christine, I would love to have a child soon and I am attending the fertility centre. I need financial assistance and a father for my child but I am afraid to ask him. Do you think I should? Also, should I go back with him?
The cost of my medication is $20 000. I am presently working and I have some of this money. However, I need more. I love this man with all of my heart but thinking about his four children hurts a lot.
Please advise me on what to do and print my letter in the Thursday paper. Thank you!
– M
Dear M,
I smell trouble!
I know what it means to hear from an old flame and to relive thoughts in the mind. I know what it means when someone says they love and will take care of you.
Don’t buy into all this and don’t become involved with this man – no matter what memories you relive.
Also, you cannot ask him to father your child. Have you thought about this child’s future down the road? Do not become gullible and do not ask him for money.
This man has made a life for himself and is currently committed in a marriage. He made that decision consciously. He has no right whatsoever to ask you to put your life on hold while he remains married – perhaps to a woman who loves him a great deal. Have you given any thought to his wife?
You’ve alluded to the fact on two occasions that you “do not like men who have children”. If this is a principle, stick to it. Why compromise your beliefs?
Furthermore, the mother of his children is not the woman he eventually married. Don’t you see how complicated this will be for you?
Another matter of concern is the differences in your religious beliefs. While I have not printed those beliefs, I can tell you that there will be many complications for you further down the road.
Do not be swayed by this man’s offerings, financial position, or his charm.
He is already taken and you should leave well enough alone. Don’t bring him into your future. Leave him where he belongs – in the past.