SOMETHING HAS BEEN bugging me for a long time and I need to get it off my chest. It concerns a sexual encounter I had with my son’s father though I was on the verge of getting married to someone else.
I’m talking about it now because he recently brought it up when he called to beg me for a loan. I got the impression he was saying that he might tell my husband what I did if I did not “lend” him the money.
For hinting that, I let him know straight and plain that what happened between us was because he forced himself on me.
So the message I want to get out there is that you should tell your man if your former lover took advantage of you, and report them to the police too. If you don’t, the attacker may see your silence as approval and then try to use it against you at some later date.
Also, it would be difficult at a later date to convince your lover that you were raped. When I was about six months pregnant for my son’s father, he was charged for possession of illegal drugs. He was caught with thousands of dollars’ worth of weed and coke, and was later jailed for seven years.
I went to court once, but after seeing him in chains like that I never went back. And I never visited him in prison either. As far as I was concerned I had to get on with my life.
And I did.
Those early years with my son were particularly tough as my son had a couple of medical issues. I had to depend on my family to help me financially and otherwise, as my pay could not support me and my boy. During those rough times I became involved with a senior man at my workplace.
I figured if I became close to him I would not lose my job. I was scared of this happening because I was constantly taking time from work to deal with my son.
As the months went on, I became as taken with him as he was with me, and soon I moved out of my mum’s overcrowded house to his spacious bungalow.
Very good to me I was so overwhelmed at being with him that I often used to pinch myself to make sure I was not dreaming.
Even after I moved in I thought that maybe he was drawn to me for my looks and the good sex I always tried to give him to keep him wanting me.
But in my mind I always felt that eventually he would throw me out for a well educated woman.
But nothing like that happened, and after a year there I realized that he really wanted me and my son, whom he doted on as if he was his child.
Just over five years into our relationship, he began talking marriage and I was the happiest woman in the world. He told me we would plan
our marriage properly after he returned from doing a course overseas and a work attachment there. He would be gone for three months.
As life would have it, two days before he left, my son’s father was released from jail and his first stop was by my mum’s house looking for me.
Mum never told him where I was. All she did was to let him know I had moved on with my life and that he should not make trouble for me.
About a week after he was freed from prison, we finally met up. He wanted to know why I never visited him and demanded to see his son. I told him the child has only known one man since his birth, and I did not want to confuse him by introducing someone else as his father. I told him I would prefer to wait until the boy was about ten or 11 and could understand what he was being told.
After a long argument he agreed to this, but still insisted that he see the boy. He told me I should introduce him as my relative. Reluctantly I agreed to bring my son to my mum’s house the following day so he could see him. I did as arranged, but he never showed up and never called.
Disgusted, I returned home. That night just after 7 p.m. the doorbell rang and he was out there. Somehow he found out where I was living and dropped by. Our son took one look at him and became afraid of him and started crying. He would not even take the plastic bag in which there was a present of a toy car.
So I asked him to leave so I could put the child to bed. Initially he disagreed but then as I was getting angry and the child was crying, he left.
About an hour later, the doorbell rang again and it was him at the gate. I went out and asked him to go away but he insisted on speaking with me. He threatened me that if I did not let him in he would begin shouting out my name and cause my “big-up” neighbours to look out. So, reluctantly, I let him come back in.
I went into the house first, so he shut the door and grabbed me from behind. He put his hand over my mouth and pushed me onto the settee close by. I tried to fight him off, but he was too strong, and he raped me.
When he was finished I told him to leave and never come back or else I would report him to the police. He left after going into my purse and taking the $70 I had.
I never told anyone about that assault. I figured no one would believe me as he was my child’s father and my first ever boyfriend. But I didn’t have to worry any more about him as within a month he was in trouble with the law again and back in jail.
My boyfriend returned a couple weeks afterwards and I thought it best never to mention what had happened to me.
A check-up had shown I had no infection to pass on, so I decided it was best to let the matter go.
That was my big mistake. But I want my child’s father to know that just like I told him on the phone, if he ever comes near me or myson again, I will cry harassment and whatever else I need to say to get him locked away like the animal that he is.
