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SECRETS’ CORNER: Compromising is key


SHERIE HOLDER-OLUTAYO

SECRETS’ CORNER: Compromising is key

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WHEN IT COMES TO HAVING a harmonious relationship, compromise is part of the territory. But when it seems like you are always the one compromising, or having to give in to keep the peace to appease your partner’s feelings, then it can lead to some resentment.
When people talk about finding Mr or Ms Right, it is about finding that special someone who completes them. It doesn’t mean things are going to be perfect because you two are completely different individuals.
During the early stages of a relationship, when you are in the throes of bliss and romance, you may say or do anything to ensure the relationship lasts forever. But how far is too far?
That’s why we posed this week’s Secrets Corner question: How do you handle a partner who insists that his/her way is always the right one?   
Compromise is great in small doses, like turning down the television to ensure your partner can study. But when it becomes a constant and the demands keep getting greater to the point where we start compromising the essentials of who we are simply for peace, then we need to start questioning the depths and necessity for such a relationship.
One woman said: “You give a little and you take a little. Sometimes it is not worth arguing over small stuff and, believe it or not, sometimes it is pride why one person does not back down.
“In my marriage I remember that I knew in my heart that I was the wrong one, but would not surrender. It is human nature, but in saying that you have to know your partner in order to take that risk. A joke is a joke but if, for instance, [the argument] is about something serious, I would advise people to get help.”
A person’s refusal to compromise means that there is a streak of selfishness that would be detrimental to the relationship. Who wants to be with someone who doesn’t care enough about your needs to be willing to give a little to make you happy?
If you’re the person always giving in to make your partner happy, at the expense of your own feelings, then the compromise serves the relationship, which is backwards. The relationship should serve the two people who are in it.
In such instances, you may need to seriously evaluate whether such a relationship is one that you should stay in. Or you could take the advice of one of our online readers and “run away as fast as you can”.

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