With many of today’s marriages ending in divorce, it spurred Rev. Haynesley Griffith into action.
Haynesley who is the CEO and senior counsellor for Family Heartbeat Ministries has written a new book, Securing The Foundation Of Marriage Before Building The Family.
“As a result of counselling I’ve realized that there are a number of people going into marriage without the necessary preparation,” he said. “This book was designed for those persons to understand the importance of this institution, and to lay a foundation for a successful marriage.”
Haynesley feels that one of the contributing factors to the high divorce rate and families growing apart is that couples are not properly prepared to face the demands of marriage.
“Most people prepare for the wedding day and not for the marriage. That is a major issue and one that is creating major challenges,” he said. “I think people get mixed up with the wedding day and marriage. Once the wedding day and honeymoon are finished, couples are often left wondering what’s next.”
Without knowing how to wade through the difficult patches that will ultimately arise in marriage, a relationship can be easily fractured.
“People go into marriage not articulating their expectations and expect the other party to understand what they have not articulated,” Haynesley said. “In premarital counseling that is one of the areas that is looked at. ‘Why are you getting married?’ ‘What do you expect of this man or woman?’ These questions are important because if what you’re looking for in marriage doesn’t come forth you might seek the way of least resistance, and end the marriage. “
Premarital counseling helps to look at areas such as finances, conflict resolution, children and parenting, religious challenges, family interference and a host of other issues that couples will ultimately face.
“When two parties are courting it is a different situation from when they are living together,” he said. “Now you have to see the woman in her raw elegance.
“Premarital counseling helps to establish a solid foundation. We ask couples why are you bringing kids into the world. Some people talk about their friends having a child, or I want to give the man a child, or my biological clock is ticking. But we try to get them to understand the importance of having and raising children.”
Haynesley also added that a lot of the problems couples have are about the management of money and personality conflicts.
“Sexual intimacy, which also poses serious problems, often has nothing to do with sex,” he said. “There are underlying issues that can prevent healthy sexual intimacy in a marriage. Sexual intimacy was always designed to be one of the most beautiful experiences within the context of marriage.”
The book, which has 15 interactive chapters, looks at how God views marriage. It looks at whether you are really mature enough to marry. It also covers the true meaning of love.
Some people view love as a physical thing so some people get married because of sex. Some people get married based on how they feel.
“The book can be used by singles, to see if there are areas they need to work on,” he said. “Then they are those thinking of marriage, those who are engaged and it can also be used for counseling or seminars.”
But for Haynesley he hopes that couples take away the seriousness of the covenant of marriage.
“The book looks are the role of the wife, the role of the husband, and goal-setting which is a challenge for many couples,” Haynesley said.
“You need to set goals in a marriage; because if you aim at nothing, you hit it successfully.”
