Most of us who went to public school loved Term 3 because it meant that summer vacation was right around the corner but hated it because it meant promotional exams were upon us. Most of us also waited until less than two weeks before the exams to begin cramming.
As teachers sit and correct exams, we are shocked at many of the responses given and sometimes we are forced to conclude it is us, not the system, not the syllabus, not that the children aren’t revising; It Is Us. Clearly we haven’t taught anything for the last year.
As end-of-term examinations are about to begin, I want to give you parents a heads-up on some of the responses your child may give and, as a result, I hope you encourage your child to do some thorough revision.
Below I have compiled a list of questions asked and answers given in secondary school end-of-year exams in this country over the last two years. Many of you will find these responses to be very funny and others to be very sad but please understand that your child placed a lot of thought into answering these questions, as disturbing as some of the responses are, and many believe their answers to be correct.
I assure you that the responses below and the spelling have not been adjusted or tampered with and is an exact replica of what was presented in the examination.
Q: Definition for resources?
A: wuh we does use fun loving
Q: What is a limestone island?
A: an island that is shaped like a lime.
Q: Why is water important to the Caribbean region?
A: because the Caribbean is closest to the sun.
Q: Give 5 examples of physical features found in the Caribbean.
A: walking, hopping, jogging, run, flipping (student 1).
A: car, truck, van, bus, motor cycle (student 2).
Q: Name 4 reef animals.
A: sea moss, fish, star fish, sea fan.
Q: Why should we protect the nesting turtles in Barbados?
A: because they produce gold and alumni.
Q: What do you use to measure rain?
A: a rain gauge and it is placed at the airport because that is where the rain comes in.
Q: List 5 major religions in the world.
A: earth, trees, animals, food and children.
Q: Who was Noah?
A: the first homosexual.
Q: The distance all around an object is called the . . . ?
A: cercomfrance.
Q: Is one a prime number? Give reason.
A: No, because Mr Worrell said so.
Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: a sickness that you catch at the airport.
Q: How many national heroes are there in Barbados?
A: there are 8 national heroes, 9 of which are dead.
Q: Why was Saul’s name changed?
A: Saul changed his name to soulman, to samule and to solomon.
Q: List 5 denominations.
A: churches, bibles, christians, cross and a pastor.
Q: Who was Abraham?
A: he was the loving father of the sheep.
Q: Who was Mary Magdalene?
A: she was a prostitute or a slut, she was a dirty dirty hore and was ungodly.
Q: List 2 purposes of Government?
A: free school meals and free learning.
Q: Name two Weather Systems found in the Caribbean
A: Caribbean Weather and CMC Weather.
Q: Name 2 parables Jesus taught and the lesson in each of them.
A: Jesus taught to love and protect the parables, don’t care which parable just love and protect it like he love and protect you.
Q: What were the 12 men who travelled with Jesus called?
A: the 12 disciplines.
Q: What is the function of the Governor General?
A: to hang out with old people.
This was not asked in an exam but was a conversation a teacher had with a class:
Teacher: Class, does anyone know who Dame Nita Barrow is?
Students: Sir, what class she in?
Teacher shakes head in shock and asks the class: What is Dame Nita Barrow’s first name?
Students: Sir, stop playing; you just tell we she name Dame
Student: Sir, you know dance styles does come back around. If you look at Bussa, you cuh see he jonesing.
