I HAVE HERPES.
I contracted it after a relationship with a man I fell in love with at my church.
What hurts me about this whole thing is that he knew he had it but never once told me anything. Yet he had every chance to say something as we were together for nearly two years before we started having unprotected sex. But not one word.
Since I found out about my infection he keeps apologizing and continues to ask me to marry him. But I feel betrayed. All that keeps running through my mind is that this man, who said he loved me, did not tell me the awful truth about himself.
He cared only about satisfying his desire to bed me and that is why he endangered my life by not using a condom. Because of his deception, I may not be able to have children. Yet he calls himself a Christian.
How can I ever trust a man after he wilfully hurt me like this? That is what I am grappling with right now.
What troubles me too is that though he knew he was infected, when I told him I was not feeling well and noticed certain things happening to me, e said nothing.
I had to go to the doctor and be told how sick I was. Do you have any idea how embarrassing that is?
It is not easy sitting in front of somebody and being told you have a disease which you have to take medication to control for the rest of your life. I felt like passing out. All I could do was cry. It was the worst day in my life!
I asked him what kind of man would pretend to serve God but do what he did to me, and up to this day he has not answered me. All he keeps saying is sorry, as if that will clear up the virus he has given me.
The other thing that has me feeling bitter is how much he still talks about God and is always ready with a quote from the Bible, after doing this to me. He just does not have a conscience.
I know I have to take some of the blame because I allowed him to have me without protection. But why I blame him so much is because he knew he had the disease and didn’t insist on precautions.
The next thing is that he knew I had been sexually active before I started going to church. I went there to turn my life around and hopefully find someone who would appreciate me – a woman who knew the world but wanted to put it behind her to praise God.
Instead of getting that, I met him – a wolf in sheep’s clothing – and got an incurable disease.
I am angry with myself because I knew better. I knew it was wrong to have sex, yet I did it. I knew too that I should have made him wear a condom, but I didn’t. Now this!
Right now I feel as if I have no reason to live – none whatsoever. Life is so unfair.
I hope he burns in hell for what he did to me.
