Dear Christine,
I am a father who was recently given custody of my 15-year-old son. He previously lived with his mother overseas. I am also from overseas.
My son always wanted to live with me because of circumstances I won’t go into. He is sharing my apartment and enrolled in school here.
When he got set up in his room, I was shocked to see that he had brought a whole set of pornographic magazines with him.
I’m not a prude, but this is really sick junk. I do not want to start off our new life with a fight but this really worries me.
He does not know that I’ve seen the magazines and I have carefully avoided any mention of the subject of sex, women or pornography.
Should I ignore the whole thing? Is it normal for a 15-year-old? Will he eventually get over this? I need some answers.
– Dad
Â
Dear Dad,
My advice to you would be talk to your son. Let him know that you’re aware of the magazines; that you saw them when you were helping him to settle in, and that you need to have a serious talk with him.
Is it normal you ask? I’ll say “no”, it’s not normal. Where did he get the magazines from? Is he buying them with his allowances? If he is, you do have a problem on your hands which needs to be addressed.
Not every 15-year-old goes out of his or her way to keep a regular supply of pornographic magazines. Â
    There is the odd case of some teenagers viewing a magazine or two – perhaps given by a friend – but your son seems to be storing and collecting these books.
   I think the kind of “sick sado-porn” that exists out there is very damaging and unhealthy. The violence and aggression towards women obviously has nothing at all to do with love or healthy sex.
Your son’s attraction and addiction to pornographic literature may be an indication of trouble. He has been through quite a lot in his short years – a split between his parents, custodial battle, a move to a new country, new school and new home.
I’m sure these have all been emotional challenges of some sort. If you find that talking to him is not easy or does not help, seek professional counselling for him and do so quickly.
– CHRISTINE Â
