DEAR CHRISTINE: Lover’s eye back on old flame
Each week I see people writing to you for advice and the advice you give is always bang-on, even if it is not popular. Here’s hoping you can help me.
I am 23 years old and have been seeing a young man for the past nine months. He is 32. Things were going good between us until the mother of his child started interfering.
I would be at his home and she would repeatedly call for him. He has never made an excuse not to answer the phone. In fact, when the telephone is not ringing for him, he is sometimes making calls to her while I am there.
He told me that they broke up about two years ago, but that she is the mother of his child and he cannot leave her out.
Christine, I agree that as the child’s father, there will be contact from time to time. I understand that.
However, I was more than shocked about a month ago when the two of them went to the movies together. I found out about this when my sister saw them together. I asked him about this and he simply told me it was just an innocent time out.
He said she wanted to go to the movies but did not have anyone to take her and so he obliged. I said okay to that too.
More recently, he has been spending a considerable amount of time with her and her parents – at their home and on family outings.
In fact, this has happened three times in the past two weeks. During that period we went on two dates and he visited my home once.
Christine, please do not get me wrong, this guy and I were really, really close before this woman came back into the picture. Do you think I should put up with this? Could they be having a relationship right under my nose? Do you think his actions are fair to me?
– Searching for answers
Dear Searching For Answers,
No, I do not think you have to put up with this. Yes, they could be having a relationship right under your nose, and no, I do not think his actions are fair.
Your boyfriend could be really naïve and insensitive, or he is rekindling the flame with the mother of his child.
It is sometimes hard to break the bonds between a couple when young children are involved. I am certain that your friend will always have ties to this woman and his child.
What are you to do? You can have a talk with him and see what he has to say about the situation.
If he insists that things will always be that way between him and this woman [to the extent where they are dating and he is visiting the family home], then I think you should gently release him – especially if his attachment to this woman is bearing too heavily on you.
I am certain there is someone with no strings attached out there waiting for you. You’re yet very young. Don’t settle for second best or take up someone else’s baggage.