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DE MARKET VENDOR: Readying for Rio to deliver golden shot putt

BEA DOTTIN, [email protected]

DE MARKET VENDOR: Readying for Rio to deliver golden shot putt

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A friend who would prefer me to refer to she as a “sexy friend” send me this email: “Market, I have mused in silence about boosting my career in law (yes, she is a lawyer) wid soca stardom since in one Crop Over, a soca artiste win not one, but two Kia cars one evening.
“This spurred my interest since I also own a Kia, though de keys only hand over after I parted wid big money, widout de benefit of smiling in de NATION to commemorate de event. This pales in comparison to the cash prizes in Trinidad Carnival, seldom less than TT$2 million per title.
“Wid that pun de brain, I relaxed into a post Crop Over stupor by my auntie on August 11 to watch de men’s javelin in de Olympics out of a half closed left eye, only because a Trini in the final. Even when Keshorn pelt de javelin 84 metres in the opening rounds, ah didn’t stir.  
“Ah watch in amazement as pelt after pelt from the European javelin strongholds couldn’t get past Keshorn’s line in the sand, not realizing we was on de way to gold. Dis lad from Toco, Trinidad, won an Olympic gold and de hearts of de region.
“By now I fully awake and anticipating de Trini National Anthem for the first time since 1976. And then Kams leggo de sweets: a TT$2.5 million home in Port Of Spain, TT$1 million in cash, land in Toco and a university scholarship.
“As an enthusiastic fan of the Olympic Games, I more than happy fuh dat gold, but let me tell allyuh, if I cannot join the pantheon of soca greats to win a fleet of vehicles or big money, I going and learn how to deliver a golden shot putt for the Rio Olympics.
“Market, I mek dis decision after a careful analysis of the sports in which I can participate with an acknowledgement of my accumulating physical limitations, perfected by laziness. My ever present pleasantly plump size rule out activity that involve more effort than getting out of bed.
“I figure shot putt, shooting, or archery may be ideal fuh me. Since we is not bow and arrow people, I suspect shot putt may be my best bet.  
“Naturally, in mekkin de decision, I dependant on the unpredictability of athletic competition and the Olympics in particular, where you could find yuself being beaten for gold by the unexpected: a Trinidadian javelin thrower, a Bahamian men’s 4×400 metres relay squad, a female triple jumper from Kazakhstan or a male Chinese race walker.
“In addition, the shot putt training would respond favourably to my unique nutrition regimen of weekly pudding and souse, boneless goat roti, persistent hydration with mauby, and the too frequent breadfruit cou cou from a rumshop on Nelson Street.
“One would think that with the increase in gun violence in the Caribbean, we should be able to field a substantial shooting team. We have a bountiful supply of guns and more than our fair share of shooters. We need to channel de ‘talent’ at a non-breathing target, to convert budding criminal behaviours into the type of bull’s eye precision that could garner gold and glory.
“Enough ole talk, time to get my training programme on the road. The neighbour tree laden with breadfruit; ah just gotta wait till nightfall to find one the size and weight of a shot putt.
“And, maybe one for cou cou this week.”
I, Market Vendor, gone fuh now; you have a blessed and a wonderful day, yuh hear?

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