Saved from VP
MY GRANDFATHER USED to say that “everything worthwhile is difficult, and comes with a price and consequences”.
As a boy this made little sense, though I figured it had something to do with my father who went to England to work on London transport and left my mother pregnant with me.
My dad never returned, not even to be buried. So I never met or spoke with him.
It was my grandfather who taught me what it was to be a man. And his words were that a man should work hard to achieve his goals and stick to them no matter what other people may say (that is, everything worthwhile is difficult).
At the same time he cautioned that the path I took would either bring me wealth or leave me poor, so I should always choose whatever I wanted very carefully. That was what the second part of his familiar phrase stood for.
As this was drummed into my head from young, I have always tended to make responsible choices, and as a result I have done well for myself.
But I must confess there was a time when I strayed from my philosophical moorings and nearly loss everything that was really precious to me. It was because of a woman and what the man in last week’s column called vagina power (VP).
I can attest to the strength of VP, especially when it is wrapped in a beautiful body with a good brain and pretty face. VP mesmerizes you in a way that you cannot understand. It makes you do and say stupid things so you can continue to get it. It makes you spend money, even when you can’t afford to, in an effort to hold onto it. But worst of all, it can tempt you to disown your own just to continue enjoying its sweetness.
I went down that road, and like that man last week it was a struggle to resist. But in the end I had to give it up to keep my sanity.
My wife used to ask me what did this woman have that she didn’t? What did this woman do to me that she didn’t? What was so special about this woman that would drive me to risk losing my home and children?
Confidence to speak
I never answered my wife because the answer that I would have given would have caused us to separate for sure. Actually, I felt so deeply for this woman that I dared not tell anyone what I was going through least my deepest, darkest secret be revealed.
So for all these years I have had this bottled up inside me, never thinking about it until last week’s column. That made me realize how other men were similarly affected by vagina power and gave me the confidence to speak out.
The truth is, when you meet a woman who can satisfy you sexually, who looks good and is intellectually sharp, it is difficult to resist her charms. That was what happened to me. My lady friend and I met through mutual contacts, we became friends and before I knew it we had become intimate.
There was no long courtship, no promises, no expectations of any kind. It was just great sex.
For example, when I went by her, she knew I only had a three-to-four-hour time frame. So immediately she would meet me at the door with a long kiss and then it was straight lovemaking. The only time we had a conversation would be between sessions, and the talk always centred around our intimacy.
There was no talk about bills; horrors at work; problems with the children; nothing. It was about making love and sensational sex.
How could any healthy, fun-loving man not want that?
At first I reasoned I better not get too deeply involved, as I had too much to lose, but her VP overpowered me. So strong was it that every day, all I ever looked forward to was spending some hours with her. It consumed me so much that everything else in my life quickly became secondary. I was smitten.
That I broke away from that situation is a story in itself. Suffice to say my wife drew a line, and told me if I didn’t want to lose everything I worked hard for I should not cross it. Of course at first I did not care until my old, frail grandfather asked me to visit him.
Though his speech was slow, and voice barely audible, he told me that I needed to recognize the difference between lust and love, and what was a good time and what was worthwhile in my life. He quoted his favourite phrase to me too: “Everything worthwhile is difficult, and comes with a price and consequences”, and asked me to work out for myself if my friend was really “worthwhile”.
I immediately knew what I had to do. It wasn’t easy for me, but I had to do it because the “price and consequences” didn’t make sense.
Though I did the right thing, for years afterwards intimacy with my wife was not enjoyable because she could not match up to my friend. But I realized that because everything worthwhile is often difficult, I had to be patient and help my wife along.
I have no regrets for making that decision as I’m happy today.
My suggestion to any man who finds himself caught up in VP is to recognize that it can ruin your life only if you let it – so don’t allow it to.