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Not all married men out to trick

shadiasimpson, [email protected]

Not all married men out to trick

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Dear Christine,
I have been reading your column for several years. I’ve found you to be fair and I greatly admire that in you.
I have noticed an increase in the number of women writing to you about the affairs they have had or are having with married men, who either tricked or deceived them.
I am also married, soon to be divorced. I met a young woman four years ago through a friend. At that time I was still living with my wife and three children, but my dealings with the wife centred around our children.
From the onset I told this young woman I was married but not in a relationship with my wife, and that I intended to see my children past their exams before getting out of my marriage.
We started seeing a lot of each other. One night when I believed things might go further than just talk, I asked her if there was anyone in her life. She told me no. We made love that night and have been together now for the past four years.
I secured a house for her, provided food, clothes, travel and anything she wanted because I loved her. I noticed she and a friend of mine had started to talk fairly often but I thought nothing of it; until one night when I was leaving the house to go home and I saw his car pulling into the gap. I returned to the house to find his car parked in the driveway.
I waited awhile to see if it was just a visit, then went to the bedroom window and got the shock of my life. I saw them having sex in the same bed I gave her. I said nothing for several weeks then confronted her. At first she denied it, but I never trusted her after that.
My wife discovered what was going on and started making our divorce proceedings very difficult. She prolonged what could have been a very amicable event and asked me to leave my house.
I moved in with my friend. We have been living together for almost a year now, but just the other day I noticed she was acting strange. This coincided with her becoming friendly with a guy from her workplace. She was going out with him on a regular basis but yet never introduced him to me.
One night she left home with him and told me she was going by a girlfriend who recently had a baby. The same friend called the house an hour later and asked for her. I knew she was not at the friend’s house.
She came home at 4 a.m. and we had it out. She admitted to having sex with him. Christine, I am on the verge of being free from my marriage but I cannot see myself with this woman.
She blames me for all she is doing even though I treat her good, have never hit her and love her.
I want you to see that not all married men are out to trick these women. Sometimes they take the men for a ride, and although I feel at times like killing her for what she has done to us, I do not believe she is worth it. Sometimes they get what they truly deserve.
 – Tim
Dear Tim,
I have read your letter and have come to one conclusion – what goes around comes around.
No matter how much you try to “butter up” your situation, you were both carrying on an affair while you were still married, and you are living with the consequences.
Why did you think this woman would remain faithful to you? On what foundation did you two build your relationship?
Also, if you never trusted her after the first sexual indiscretion with your friend, why did you move in with her?  
Still, I must admit that each relationship is different. Sometimes third party relationships can work, but someone is always left to bear the hurt.
You’ve now realized that all that glitters is not gold. Thank God your eyes were opened before taking steps to settle down with her.