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DEAR CHRISTINE: Don’t trust him like I did before

BEA DOTTIN, [email protected]

DEAR CHRISTINE: Don’t trust him like I did before

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Dear Christine,
I have been in a committed relationship for the past six years and we’ve had our ups and downs during this period – along with some infidelity.
My boyfriend recently got a job at the same company where I am employed, but in another department. We both agreed not to disclose any information regarding our relationship within the office because of the complications it can cause. Everything was great for the first couple months and I thought we were even growing closer.
Recently, however, I started receiving these unknown calls and messages about encounters with other women. Like any other person would do, I informed him about the calls and questioned whether there was something I needed to know. He said no.
I ignored these calls because I have seen a similar situation played out with another member of staff within the same office, but it seemed the more I ignored the calls, the more persistent they became.
These calls are now creating constant arguments. It is to the point where he has decided he no longer wants to be in the relationship since he says I no longer trust him because of what has happened in the past.
To be honest, I do trust him but it’s not the same trust I had in him before. I explained this before we made the decision to get back together.
Trusting again takes time; it just cannot happen overnight.
This whole situation has me confused and frustrated. I think my judgement may be clouded by my feelings. What’s your take on this dilemma, Christine?
– ?
Dear ?,
First and foremost, you must remember that Barbados is a rather small place where “everybody knows everybody” – so to speak. Your decision therefore, to keep the relationship under tabs was not – in my opinion – the best move.
I think once people in the office got to realize you’re actually a couple, they would have perhaps assumed that it all happened quite fast – that is, if they were not aware beforehand.
There are some wicked and malicious people who set out to destroy relationships and friendships in many different ways. When they cannot put their dirty hands to do the job one way, they will try other ways or get other people to do it for them.
What you are experiencing is not in your mind. There is evidence – the calls and the messages, and I am a little taken back that your friend has not taken your side on this matter – rather than resorting to the conclusion that you do not trust him.
Having said that, however, I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt – especially since you’ve admitted to seeing a similar scenario played out in the office.
Don’t allow malicious rumours, unknown callers and messages to cause you not to trust him. If the senders were genuine and genuinely interested in your welfare, they would not remain anonymous.
Also, do not allow the hurts of the past to cloud the present. Yes, it will take time to trust again, but it’s not impossible.
One other thing, I’ve noted that you’ve been in this relationship for six years. That’s a long time to be in a so-called “committed relationship”. What about marriage? Is it on the horizon? Have you two had any discussions – even the slightest – on the subject?
If after all you have done and are still doing to make this relationship work and there is no talk of actually settling down, you will need to consider if you are not worth much more than you’re allowing yourself to take from this man.