DEAR CHRISTINE: Friend seems blinded by uncaring man
I am writing this letter on behalf of my friend who has been through much in the past eight years. It seems she has no luck with men.
About a year and a half ago, she met this man who appeared genuine and nice. After a while, he introduced her to his family.
She was sceptical at first because of their age difference. My friend is older than he is. She felt accepted and appreciated, but as time went on, she noticed some changes in him. He started sleeping out and at night when she called his cell it would sometimes be switched off.
When she asked about his whereabouts, he would say he was by friends and the phone wasn’t getting any signal where he was.
One night she called to let him know she was still at work and would be late. He never answered his phone. She called again and that’s when she noticed two missed calls from an unrecognized number.
She returned the call, a woman answered, and handed him the phone. He said “hello”, and my friend told him off. He sent her a text message of apology and said the person was a friend.
In the next incident, one of her children was taken to the hospital. She called to inform him and again, he did not answer his phone. A couple minutes later a woman called my friend’s phone to ask her why she was always calling this man each time he was [with this other woman].
She wanted to know what was going on between them, but my friend was with the doctor and someone else answered the phone and told her what the caller said.
When my friend called him to find out who was calling her phone, he said he didn’t know and he was not by any woman. When she saw him two days later he had scratches on his face.
He said the woman tried answering his phone and when he took it up, she slapped him, but still denied being involved with anyone.
There was also another incident involving someone close to her. At first he denied it but after he realized she was serious about ending the relationship, he apologized to them both, and she forgave him.
Christine, it has only been four months and he has hurt her again by impregnating his ex.
My friend is constantly in tears. She turned to his mother who was close to her and the mother completely ignored her.
I have known my friend for some time now and she is a nice, caring person. She treated this man like a king and was always there for him.
She should be treated like a queen!
This man has also asked her to return to him because the woman who is pregnant wants nothing to do with him. Would you believe he wants her to accept the fact that the woman “might visit his mother’s house” and that he “might be sleeping there from time to time and when the child is born”?
How do I show her she deserves better? I care for her and I am willing to wait, but not forever. I know they say love is blind, but is she too blind to see this man is just using her?
– Concerned Friend Who Cares
Dear Concerned Friend Who Cares,
It would be so ideal to wave a magic wand and bring this woman to her senses, if everything you’ve said is true.
However, that’s not possible. If she is still holding on to this man after all he has put her through, then she must really love him – or have some kind of inferiority complex that makes her put up with his treatment, because she does not recognize her worth.
I’m sure that you care but I’m sorry, I cannot tell you how to go about showing you do. If she has accepted this man on his terms and conditions, there is nothing you or anyone can do but hope she wakes up from this bad dream.
What I can say is that she needs to get this two-timer out of her life.