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DEAR CHRISTINE: Wife believes the rumours about me

marciadottin, [email protected]

DEAR CHRISTINE: Wife believes the rumours about me

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Dear Christine,
I’M WRITING YOU because someone has started a nasty rumour about me, and my wife believes it so much that it is causing real friction between us.
The rumour is that I have a child and do not support it though I profess to be a Christian. It is causing so much heartache for my wife because we had a stillbirth with our first child and our second pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. It was while she was grieving over this last child that the rumour started making the rounds.
Christine, God knows that I have no children from anyone. Yes, the woman and I were involved but we finished several months before she even showed signs of being pregnant. Besides that, she told me outright that the child is not mine when I asked her about it.
In fact, she laughed in my face.
Since then we have both moved on with our lives separately.
What has me is that after six years together, with just over four of them in marriage, you would think that a woman should know what her husband would or would not do. What’s more, she knows that when she met me I was a Christian and showed her complete respect. So much so that I never touched her sexually until after we were engaged.
If I did that with her, she should realize that I would never knowingly ignore a child I fathered. Yet she insists I could be the father as the little boy is brown-skinned like me.
Her paranoia doesn’t end there. Christine, my wife has now even begun to suggest that I am cheating on her with females who have been our friends for years. Her stupid accusations are getting to me, so much so that sometimes I just feel like walking away from her and never coming back.
Christine, do you think losing our two children is what has my wife so paranoid? And if yes, what I can do about it?
– LH
Dear LH,
It is clear that your wife needs professional counselling to help her cope with her two failed pregnancies.  
Your wife needs time to heal psychologically.  That’s why this rumour is so devastating for her. That talk suggests you are capable of fathering a healthy child, but she – for whatever reason – cannot give you one. It may be untrue, but for her something about the rumour rings true and you have not managed to convince her otherwise as yet.
The fact that you have been unable to convince her otherwise suggests there could be, or may have been, something going on that you have not divulged.
Anyway, if she keeps believing the rumours, which you know to be untrue, you two will have a serious challenge going forward. After all, a marriage is built on trust, honesty and commitment. If that no longer exists between you, and attempts to rekindle it are ineffective, you have very little. That’s why you both need counselling.

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