Dear Christine,
I MET AND FELL IN LOVE with a guy nine months ago. My last relationship was eight years prior. I think the guy is in love with me by the things he says and does.
The problem is, he has a girlfriend. He tells me he is with her because he made a promise to his mother on her death bed not to hurt this woman.
His mother apparently told him that if he was ever looking for a companion, this woman should be the one because she was the nurse who looked after her when her children were living abroad.
He tells me he is not in love with the woman, but he does not want to hurt her because she’s nice and genuine (he does not live with her).
I love being with him and never thought I would fall in love again but I keep thinking about this woman – his girlfriend.
I told him on two occasions that I was finished with our relationship. However, he cried and begged me not to do so.
Why is he in this relationship if he does not love her? Is he staying with her because of a promise to his dead mother?
Help me with an answer.
– B.
Dear B.,
Promises should not be taken lightly and that’s why the Bible says we should never be too rash when it comes to making promises of any kind.
I think your friend may be torn between what he promised his dying mother and the sincerity and niceness of this woman, whom you have referred to as his girlfriend.
Let me get you to do some thinking. Do you believe this promise was ever made? How can you be sure? I am not saying it was not, but don’t you think he may be using this as an excuse to stay with this woman and enjoy you on the side?
Or, on the other hand, he may be carrying a “guilt burden” which has seemingly been left in his mother’s “will”.
Are you willing either way to continue as you are in this relationship?
If you are not happy with what’s happening right under your nose, leave this man alone and find someone who is unattached and who has not been left to carry his mother’s or anyone’s baggage.
The current environment is not healthy for you. You will always be emotionally drained and unhappy.
As a new year commences, leave this relationship behind and look forward to having someone of your own. It may not be easy, but it’s not impossible either.
This man is simply not free to give you the love, care and attention you deserve.
– CHRISTINE
