DEAR CHRISTINE: He doesn’t seem to love me anymore
As I look forward to the future, whatever that may be for me, I first want to wish you all the best for 2013.
I never thought that I would be writing to you for advice. Nevertheless, here I am and I hope to hear from your readers, if possible.
Christine, some men say that when women enter into relationships or marriages they get comfortable, relaxed, laid-back, and forget things they used to do. I am here to say that some men do the same.
I have been involved with a man for 12 years and we have two children. Christine, I do everything – from dealing with the children to all the housework – without any help from him. Even the bedroom work I have to start in order for anything to happen between us. This is now getting to me. I not only feel like a maid; I feel used.
During the early part of the relationship things were great. We used to go to the movies and do things that any couple would do. If he saw something he liked for me, he would purchase it.
All that stopped from the time his friends and ex-girlfriend started telling him all kinds of things just for him to leave me. So far, we are still together.
Christine, he does not take the children anywhere. When they go out, it’s because I take them. He only drops us off and picks us back up.
This man wanted children, but now that he has them he refuses to spend time with them.
He is always shouting at them and refuses to attend their Parent-Teacher Association meetings. Everything is left up to me.
He does not spend quality time with me and only gives me money for the supermarket.
When he first discovered that I was having a baby he was sweet and caring. He started making plans for me and the child. When the second child came he was on cloud nine.
Now, we do not talk and he no longer holds me in his arms – not even to say he loves me.
At one point he purchased an engagement ring, only to turn around and sell it.
Christine, the only time we talk is when I do something that is not right in his eyes or if something goes wrong with him at work.
When I was working I used to see that the children were fed and properly clothed. These days, I have to wait until he has dealt with himself before I receive anything. I cannot say when last he gave me anything and I have no one else to turn to for advice.
I am hoping to find a job that will help me and the children.
Thanks, and I am looking forward to reading your reply.
– Lady K.
Dear Lady K.,
I also wish you the best for 2013. In fact, my wish for you this year is that you’ll become gainfully employed and not have to put up with this man’s selfishness and “I don’t care about you” attitude.
It is obvious to me that you two need to sit down and find out where you go from here. It is not enough for him to speak to you through this bad attitude he currently has. You need to know what he is thinking and if he wants the relationship – if you can call it that – to continue. Find out what is eating him up.
For sure, you cannot continue living in this way. And it must have hurt when he sold that engagement ring. Doesn’t that tell you anything?
Have that talk. It will be necessary so you can have some kind of closure to what you’re presently experiencing.
Many relationships hit the rocks because of so-called friends who gossip and spread rumours; but after 12 years together, this man should have some trust in you. In any case, you’ve been in this relationship for too long without any kind of commitment.
If he decides to throw in the towel, make sure he has the children’s best interest at heart. And, if he does call it quits, I pray that God will give you the strength to move on to a brighter, happier future.