He has many other women besides me

THREE YEARS AGO I broke up with my then boyfriend of four years because he threatened my life. I can’t justify the method that I used to go about it because it wasn’t right, but at that point I just wanted to get away from him.
I actually went on a manhunt. Within a week I had two guys to choose from, one worked with me and the other was a friend of a friend. Given where I was employed at that point, a relationship with the guy who worked with me wasn’t an option.
So I dated the other guy. It was nothing physical. We just went out a lot and all the pictures were updated on to a social network for my ex to see. I just wanted to make him jealous.
As I was living alone I thought that it would be best to have some type of companionship, taking into consideration that my ex had threatened my life. So this guy was just there to keep my company for the first two months as I was still receiving late night calls from my ex.
After a while, the guy really started to fall for me, or so I thought, and insisted on being in a relationship. I wasn’t interested at first as I had just gotten out of one, but as time passed we started to grow closer and eventually we became a couple.
I always had a feeling that this guy wasn’t genuine, but I was so bent on getting away from my ex that I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. As the relationship progressed I would come across text messages, BlackBerry messages and chats that indicated that he was talking to other people. He was so smart and tactful that it was always hard to pin anything on him. It would always be that someone was using his phone or some other excuse.
Recently, I had been getting a feeling that something wasn’t right but I didn’t have any evidence and he isn’t the type that admits anything, especially if there isn’t any evidence. Then I came across a message that was sent to him from this girl saying that she missed him.
When I confronted him, he told me that the girl was deranged and that he had never seen her. I didn’t have any evidence so I decided it was time that I did some investigating.
I downloaded a programme which captures everything that is done on the computer, but I only had a period of seven days as that was when the trial period would expire. Knowing I was hot on his trail, he decided that he would spend less time on social networks chatting and more time researching any and everything on Google.
I was always able to tell by checking the computer’s history. Time was of the essence, so I had to do some further digging. I was able to find a programme that keeps track of passwords once typed in. So in no time I was able to retrieve his password and I would now be able to find out the truth about my suspicions.
At first I wasn’t able to find anything as he was one to cover his tracks, but then I stumbled upon an archived folder. I don’t think that he was aware that instead of deleting these chats that they were being archived. At that moment something in my head told me to stop and not to look any further, but I needed to find out if there was any truth to what I suspected. As I scrolled through the folder I was in shock and disbelief but somehow I had expected it.
I came across a message from about six months ago that sent chills and then numbness through my body. He was trying to solicit sex from a girl that he had just met and I believe that she was appalled as she cursed him and hasn’t spoken to him since. What hurt me the most was that he denied being involved with me even though we were living together and I was pregnant again by him.
When I thought that I had seen the worst, I came across other messages that he had sent to other women telling them that he wanted to get involved with them. I even caught him bragging to one of his friends about one of the girls that he was talking to and he even asked him if he knew of others that he would be willing to pass on.
This is the same guy that told me that he wanted to get married because he was fully committed to me. I feel as though I was Alice living in Wonderland. How could you be living in a house with a man for three years and not know that he was planning secret rendezvous with so many other women? Once I caught him bathing with our daughter’s soap because his was gone. How could he put her at risk like that?
The guy I knew was reserved. He didn’t say much and always kept to himself, but one of the women that he was talking to was able to give me the history of our relationship. She knew more about me than my own mother. I am so confused. I have no idea what has transpired over the last three years of my life. It seems as though I was living in a bubble. This by no means concludes my story. What I have expressed so far is only the icing on the cake.
Now here I am with this dilemma – what to do? My first instinct was to throw all of his stuff outside and curse him out, but I had to take my child into consideration. I live on my own and my work takes up most of my time so I need help, especially now that I am pregnant. I don’t have any friends or anyone that I am close to as I am a very private person.
Did he ever love me or was it just convenient for him that I was vulnerable at that point and he was in need of somewhere to stay? I guess that I will never know, considering that he is a compulsive liar and only tells the truth when the evidence is there. Now all I can do is suck it up after the tears have dried and try to build a happy home for my children.