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DE MARKET VENDOR: Going to see if Freundel got his timing right

BEA DOTTIN, [email protected]

DE MARKET VENDOR: Going to see if Freundel got his timing right

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They say timing is everything. A Bajan went to the doctor who advised some tests. Doc tell he to come back in four days. When he return Doc say he had bad news and very bad news: which he want first?
He opt fuh de bad news first. Doc tell he: “Having examined all de results and gotten second opinions, de bad news is de results show you only got 24 hours to live!”
Bawling Baje ask: “After bad news like dat wha kind of very bad news you could have?”
“Well,” says Doc, “I should have called you yesterday!”
Timing is key in life.
You brek, not a cent in yuh pocket, and yuh ask a fella to lend yuh $100, only to hear, “Yuh shoulda ask me yesterday; I just pay de light bill wid de last $100 I had dis month.”
Cheese on bread! Imagine if yuh did ask he yesterday! All now you woulda have groceries and he would be using a lantern to see!
A batsman in full cry, yuh rush down to Kensington. Yuh going through security and hear 10 000 Bajans groan out loud. Yup, de brute get bowl! Timing!
You speeding cross de highway doing 100. Nuff other cars speeding too, but who suddenly hear sirens and see flashing lights coming and get haul before de courts and fine? Timing. You wuk hard fuh de company, put in nuff hours, a loyal foot soldier, then a vacancy occur. “Dis is my time,” yuh tell yuself. Except it is October and nuff UWI graduates wid all kinds of degrees looking fuh wuk. Why them could’nt announce dat vacancy in March before UWI final exams. Crappo smoke yuh pipe!
Yuh get pun a plane. De seat next to you vacant, three pretty girls board. But who end up next to Vendor? A baby girl over 350 pounds wid three carry-on pieces of luggage and you like a slice ah bread pun a Panini machine, hot and smothered!   
But muh timing wasn’t always bad. One night I standing by BWee counter about to head to London. I see Beatrix Holder. “Market, I looking fuh somebody to put in first class. I woulda put you but yuh wearing shorts.”
I beg she to give de Vendor two minutes and when I come back I had on long pants and shoes too! Like Jeffersons, moving on up!
One evening nuff years ago I pun Aubrey Choy speedboat when we see a damsel on de beach waving frantically. I look at he. “Pull into de beach, muh brudder.” She needed a ride to Jolly Roger cause after falling asleep pun de beach de boat left widout she!
Ah boy, timing! It wuk fuh de Vendor cause de lady was in a two-piece swim suit and I had to assist she to get back pun de Jolly Roger, which was much higher out de water, only to learn from she sometime later that she woulda preferred to stay with de Vendor.
Ah had to wait nearly a year to see she again. On reflection suppose another boat had pass by before we that day and offer she a ride?
I might never have met de lady and today she might not be Mrs Market Vendor! Timing!
Come February 21st we, de people, gine decide if Freundel got he timing right!
I, Market Vendor, gone fuh now. You have a blessed and a wonderful day, yuh hear?