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I CONFESS: Bajans too insecure

BEA DOTTIN, [email protected]

I CONFESS: Bajans too insecure

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As a CARICOM national, it hurts me to say that Barbadian women, in particular, can be the most jealous, envious and conniving people one could ever meet. They lie and, in a few cases, purposely misguide you to make you look incompetent, all out of fear that you have come here to steal their man.
This has been my bitter experience living and working among Bajan women. Given their attitude, no wonder men here choose women from other places to marry when they can. They do this because they want partners who are honest, decent and caring, not the pretentious hypocrites that so many women here seem to be.
And when I say honest, that is what I mean. I know of a married woman in my office who has been having an affair for the longest while with one of the managers. Another woman was involved with one of the directors. And there have been cases of brief affairs between women and men in my office. It is like a soap  opera, and would be funny if it weren’t true.
Maybe due to their nature to be deceitful, Barbadian women see in me a threat. After all, people tend to judge others based on their standards and, as they would do anything underhand, they’d feel others would do the same thing too.
No wonder then that for the past few years my experience has been one where nearly every Barbadian woman I meet behaves as if they must not allow me to get too close to their man, as I would steal him. So they talk to me good at work and church, but hardly ever invite me over to their homes – not even for Christmas. Instead, they are always quick to suggest they could come over to my place. It’s like they always have something to hide. It’s really pathetic!
The thing is: I came to this country thinking all Barbadians were as nice as a relative’s wife I had met back in my country. She is a loving, giving individual and spoke so much about her “rock” that I always wanted to come here. But  between studying and travelling otherwise, I never got around to it.
Then a few years ago I saw a job advertised for a certain professional to work at a company based here. With little advancement possible in my job, being the least experienced, I decided to apply for the position. I figured that since I had the qualifications and expertise, and would qualify under the CARICOM Skilled Nationals’ scheme, I had nothing to lose. And I got the job!
Moving here was an adventure in itself, but at least I was able to settle in quickly, thanks to the professional people my office hired to organize my move. So my first impressions were good. But from the first day I walked into the office and the women saw I was young, pretty and single, it seems that they banded together to make my life pure hell.
I say this because they were not welcoming at all. No one came up to me and introduced themselves. Instead I was formally introduced by a senior manager who stopped proceedings to say who I was, then I was shown to a desk and work started.
I did receive a few smiles that day but no one engaged me in conversation at all. That went on for the entire week, so much so that I began to feel as if I was being slighted.
The weeks moved into months and though people interacted with me professionally, there was always this coldness, as if they were keeping me at arm’s length; but for what, I didn’t understand. It took the words of a lowly clerical officer to put it all in perspective. She explained to me why the women were so standoffish.
Through that same individual, I started going to church and even then I saw the same attitude there – no women readily embraced me.
On the other hand, the men I met here all wanted to help me in some way, or are overly kind. You can easily see through their intentions. And these are not just men at work or men you meet casually, but those in the church as well. It has been truly disappointing.
I want Barbadian women to know that not all single, independent, attractive women who come here to work are out to steal their Bajan men. To be honest – and though it is not good to paint a people with a broad brush – I find many men here to be womanizers and incapable of being faithful. They always seem to have sex on their minds, and the fact they have a steady relationship or are even married does not stop them from pursuing you.
I seriously think that Bajans are an unhappy set of people who have repressed their sexual desires to appear respectable, and that is why so many of them cheat on each other, especially as they become more financially secure. And those in the church seem to be worse – they are literally wolves in sheep’s clothing.
Bajans can’t stand hearing the truth about themselves, but the people here need to start tuning into why they behave the way they do. Both the men and women need to be honest enough to admit that something must be wrong when they can’t be friends with the opposite sex unless they try to be intimate with the person; that they ascribe sexual motives to someone doing something for another person; that they always feel people only get promoted because they are sleeping with the boss; and I can go on.
I’m saying that Bajans need to recognize that for them everything in life comes down to sex, or is related to it in some form. And when people can only see things in such a way, then something is wrong with their value system. I urge all Bajans to wake up and see themselves for the sad, sorry, sex-crazy individuals they are.