Failed by parents, but I persevered
I am responding to the young woman whose article was published in the DAILY NATION of March 7.
I know it may be difficult for her to see light at the end of the proverbial tunnel, but I can empathize with her, as I too found it hard to forgive and respect my parents.
I was raised by both parents in a house so old you could have fallen through the flooring if you did not watch your step. They both had children before they got married and that caused many conflicts. My parents fought constantly.
My father was unfaithful to my mother and his women often accosted her. Some incidents ended up in court and one led to a legal separation.
I was glad for the relief even though I was only nine years old. A year later, my mother was pregnant and back with my dad. She went through hell. He denied the child was his and his latest female “friend” constantly harassed my mother.
This was just the home situation.
I was 10 and at primary school when my class teacher started molesting me. I was afraid and only told my parents a month after it started. They did nothing and the molestation continued until I left for secondary school.
When my parents finally split up I lived with my mum at her father’s place. He soon kicked us out and I was forced to live with my father again.
Things were fine until a neighbour begged to have oral sex with me. I was just 12. I told him “no” and he threatened to make my life miserable.
He did this by telling my father he saw me with various boys. As a result of his stories, I was beaten almost daily. Eventually, I got tired of getting licks for things I was not doing.
At 13, I started having sex and because I was tired of being told there was no money for basic necessities, I found a part-time job to support myself.
At 15, I moved back with my mother and tried to help her with my siblings. She was now in a relationship with a drunkard.
One evening when he was he tipsy he made advances at me. I told her and she said I was trying to ruin his reputation. I was hurt, until an incident one day he disrespected her in the worst way.
Instead of asking him to leave or demanding respect, she snapped at me and asked me to complete a chore he had complained about.
I cursed my mother for the first time that day and lost all respect for her. To me she was spineless and weak. I swore never to be like her.
At 16, I discovered I was pregnant by a man 24 years my senior. I had been in a relationship with him for two years, and had ended it a month earlier.
I told him I would abort the child as I had no support system and was not old enough to secure a ‘real’ job. He pleaded with me not to.
After persistently refusing, he turned to my mother who made me keep it. My son is now six, and this man is currently running from an arrest warrant for failing to pay child maintenance.
I could go on, but my story would fill three pages.
The first two people in my life failed me, but I refused to be defeated. My son also gave me reason to strive for excellence. At 23, I have an apartment, a decent job and own a car. At times it is hard, but I persevere.
FORGIVENESS was my key to happiness. I had to forgive those who wronged me.
My advice is; talk to someone you can trust (not your friends) – someone older, wiser who will guide you in the right direction.
Remember, there is always someone whose life is more difficult. Set goals and work hard to reach them. You future will be as bright as you deem it shall be.
– Getting there.
Dear Getting There,
Thanks for sharing. I will link you up with the reader of the letter and see what can be done to help.