Dear Christine,
I am writing too you for advice because I am sure that you will give me the answer I need early in my current and relatively new relationship.
I met a man about three months ago. I would say he ran me down because he did whatever he could to get me to go out with him – like begging my friends to talk to me and even sending me flowers at my office.
Well, after about two weeks I decided to go out with him. The first thing he did was to ask me out to lunch, which I agreed to. Within a week we had gone out to lunch, dinner and to the cinema.
By the third week, we were like old friends. We were chatting on the telephone and enjoying each other’s company. He introduced me to his parents and his siblings, and even took me to spend a day with his grandmother.
I have grown to love this man in just 12 weeks and he has asked me to think seriously about getting married, as he does not believe in fooling around. We have not been sexually involved to date, and from what he has told me, he prefers to wait until we are married, if the relationship leads to that.
I have no problem with this, but he has asked me to do two things that I feel a little uneasy about – one is to get an HIV test and the other is to get a test done to see if I can have children. He says if we get married, he would like for us to have at least one child. I am now 33 years old.
Christine, don’t you find his requests a little odd? Why should I have to get an HIV test when he has never admitted to having one? When he made the request I was a bit taken aback, but I said nothing and did not agree to any of the two requests.
Please tell me what I should do?
– S.P.
Dear S.P.,
From what you have written, this man seems to be earnest about having a serious relationship with you and he has made this very clear.
If after three months he can talk about marriage and having children with you, this is commendable, although some would say it’s too soon.
I see nothing wrong with him wanting to make sure that you can have children and that you are not HIV-positive. In fact, every couple planning their lives together should do this. Those out there who know they are promiscuous also need to take the precaution and have an HIV test.
There are persons who have never had sexual relations, but have taken the test, since the HIV virus can be spread in more ways than one.
What I would advise you to do is to take the HIV test, but make sure he takes one with you at the same time. Also, if possible, agree between yourselves that the results will be given to both of you at the same time and in front of each other. After all, you need to know his real status too, don’t you?
– CHRISTINE
