Lived a lie so I could get my wife
AS A CHRISTIAN, it hurts me that the church is often wrongfully criticized for the problems between couples because it supposedly pushes people into marriage before they are ready.
I don’t believe this happens. Nobody can make a big man and woman get married if they don’t want to do so. The church seeks to direct people to live decently and recognize their responsibility to each other, their community, and to God.
Instead people need to be truthful about the real factors that are leading to marital break-ups. What passes for music and culture today are among the bad influences. The lyrics are disrespectful to women as they are just portrayed as sexual objects. Yet this is being glorified as a business which young people can get into to earn money for Barbados.
Then there are the television soap operas like Days Of Our Lives, which is mostly about people being unfaithful and devious. If every day people are exposed to this kind of depraved lifestyle, how can you expect them not to do what they see in their pursuit of happiness?
And then there are easily available DVDs with all types of sex acts. Again, if people are not reminded that they’re watching actors perform, whereas in real life it takes more than sex to make a relationship work, is there any wonder that relationships are falling apart?
Another reason, too, for the failure of marriages is people’s real intentions when they marry. Some people pretend to be Christians because they have an objective in mind, and after they achieve their goal they backslide. I know because that is what I did.
I used to be a wolf in sheep clothing, pretending to be a Christian just to get a nice woman who would not have looked at me unless I was in the church. And after I married her, for about six years I cheated on her.
I first met my wife after I was involved in a bad car accident and was hospitalized with serious injuries to my legs. She was one of those prayer warriors who came around praying for patients and generally comforting them.
From the first time I laid my eyes on her, I wanted her. She was red-skinned with a neat waist and a big backside. She looked so good that I decided there and then that I was going to get her, no matter what it took.
She was caring and sincere and I told her when I got back on my feet I was going to change my lifestyle so I would be worthy of her love. That impressed her and she spent a lot of time talking and reading with me in the hospital, and continued to do this when I went home.
My mother immediately liked her and embraced her. She would tell me to make sure to treat her right and stop with the lot of women and partying I did, because I would not have been in the accident if I had not gone to a party.
As I really liked this woman I gave up all the girlfriends I was friendly with and focused all my attention on getting her. It was clear that she liked me too, so I knew it was just a matter of time before I scored.
But in spite of her feelings for me, she never once had sex with me. Instead, she told me if I loved her I would have to accept Christ and get baptized and after that we would marry.
For nearly two and a half years I played along because it was my intention to get this beauty in my life. Of course, when I felt better I started having sex with an old flame who already had a man. That way she could not make trouble for me by calling my wife-to-be and telling her any foolishness, like some women do.
So just about three years after meeting this Christian woman, I married her. She was as lovely as I thought, but as she was inexperienced in lovemaking I soon became tired having to be a teacher and started hunting for an experienced partner. That began a shameful six-year journey of adultery. But through it all my wife hung in there and tried to be good to me. Even though I stopped going to church and started drinking and partying again, she continued to be respectful to me.
What brought me to my senses – what I liken to Saul’s conversion on the road to Damascus – was when a man and I fought at a fete over a woman. I got injured and was arrested and charged for wounding. Though I was a rat, my wife turned up at court and was there for me. I remember when I went into the dock I saw my mother who had died about two years earlier crying and telling me how ashamed she was of me.
So when I got bail and we were going home, I passed by the pastor’s house. When he came outside to us, I confessed to him on the spot and begged my wife to forgive me for all of the pain I put her through. Since that time nearly 14 years ago, I have not looked at, or touched, another woman.
I now know what true love is. I can tell you, too, that sex is best when it is shared with only one person whom you respect and cherish. I thank God every day for my wife, my angel on Earth, my best friend, and greatest sexual partner ever. There is nothing I can’t do with her and God in my life.