DEAR CHRISTINE: Married, but in love with ex-fiance
Please don’t call me a fool for what I am preparing to share with you. I just need your advice.
I have been married for six years. I have no indication that my husband has ever been unfaithful to me. In fact, I believe that he loves me and he is really good to our children. My problem is, I no longer feel the same about him.
My former fiance (we were engaged nine years ago but we broke it off) came back into my life five months ago. I hadn’t seen him in eight years, and the moment I saw him all the old feelings came flooding back. We even spent a night together.
I told my husband everything, hoping he would be upset and leave me, but he was forgiving and wants to stay married.
Now I don’t know what to do – stay with him or be with the one true love of my life. I can’t stop thinking about my love, and we talk regularly. Please help me.
I will not call you a fool but your story reminds me of the dog who had a bone in his mouth, looked into the water, saw his reflection in the water and tried to grab that bone. I guess you know what happened.
He lost the real thing only because he was fooled by the shadow he saw.
I believe you have the real thing and that it was only when your ex-boyfriend came back into the picture you felt you were being short-changed by your husband. Yet, despite your infidelity, he wants to stay married to you. That, my dear, is love.
Nowhere in your letter have you indicated that your ex-fiance feels about you the same way you feel about him. Is he ready to take on the role of father and to support you emotionally and financially? I doubt it!
It seems to me that you have much to lose if you abandon your husband and children.
Think seriously about this situation and get some professional advice if possible. Try to reignite your marriage. Right now you are living in a fantasy world of what “might have been.”
Yhat time has long eluded you – never to return. Don’t be fooled by the shadow, it’s not the real thing at all.