Dear Christine,
I seem to be facing a crisis at home and I need your advice.
My husband and I are in our mid-30s with three young children. We both work full time and have equal incomes. However, somehow I do 99.9 per cent of the child care and 99.9 per cent of the housework.
I work all day, cook dinner and eat with the kids while my husband is either at the office, out playing football with his friends, or sitting in front of the television.
I also clean up, bathe the children, see that they are asleep, and most nights collapse from exhaustion. On weekends, my husband runs his errands while I feed the children breakfast and dress them.
One Saturday I took the day off. My husband found me reading the paper, the kids still in their night wear and the house in a mess. He, of course, asked how I could relax when the bathroom was a disgusting mess. That remark sent me completely over the edge.
The two of us have not been out together for almost eight months and there is little, if any, sex. I love my husband, but I feel like a single mother. I don’t want us to separate, but I simply cannot take it anymore. I suggested to him that we consider counselling, but he says we don’t need it.
How can I get him to do more around the house and take me out on a date once in a while?
– TAKEN FOR GRANTED
Dear Taken For Granted,
You husband needs a wake-up call. Remind him that you both have full-time jobs and that he is not keeping up with his responsibility as a domestic partner.
Make it clear that you are exhausted and fed up, and ask him to select one or two daily jobs to help make your tasks less burdensome.
I am not sure how young your children are, but see if there is anything they can do on their own as well. If your husband refuses to pitch in, insist on household help at least once or twice a month – if not weekly.
Make sure he pays for this, or if you have to, make a cut somewhere else in your budget.
Also, if you want a date with your husband, don’t wait for him to ask you out. Make the arrangements yourself and provide him with the dates and times.
– CHRISTINE
