We Caribbean people known fuh we humour. Not just Mac Fingall. Without it, de arrests rate fuh misbehaving in public would be much higher.
But first thing first. To Mr Ian Brunton, my dear friend Mr Jean Holder and a man I does harass morning, noon and night when I got a problem, Mr Oliver “cool as a cucumber” Haywood, congratulations pun de introduction of de new ATR planes.
De Vendor fly pun wunnah new Dreamliner not once but twice in de past week and it sweet fuh days and window shades to pull down, it quiet and smooth in de air. Thanks fuh de experience.
Unfortunately, dat is where de nice part end. I want to thank de people at E.T. Joshua Airport fuh reminding me why de comrade working overtime to get a new airport in Argyle. Last Saturday it tek me five-and-a-half hours from entry at E.T. Joshua Airport to exit at Grantley Adams Airport.
Now in de normal world wid a flight under 30 minutes one would expect that process to tek no more than two hours, especially as I only had carry-on luggage. Having had a bath and left de hotel smelling nice wid Hugo Boss cologne, I had another bath standing in a line fuh over one hour and 20 minutes in a check-in hall widout air conditioning nor ventilation.
I swear I did wee wee myself when I feel water pouring down certain crevices of my anatomy. De shirt stick to muh back, de underwear feel like a wet bathing suit and de pants got sweat stains all over even though it was brand new and clean when I put it on!
Finally, ah get through and left Andrew Pilgrim at de back of de line. I figure he is a top-class lawyer, he didn’t need help from de Vendor! Finally A/C in de departure area but, wait, more lines and more crowds. Why?
Immigration studying every departure form and passport like them preparing fuh doctorate exam and de fellas at security being as officious as possible. Imagine de Immigration officer asking fuh information not required pun de departure form: “where do you live and where is that” information dat I done fill out on arrival in de country! So I tell she I live in Sandy Lane and dat it in Christ Church, like if she could really know where I live!
Pun arrival a fella ask what I there for. “Business,” I replied. “Wid who?” he ask. “De prime minister,” I reply. “What business you doing wid de PM?” Hear me: “You would have to ask him ’cause he invite me to de meeting.”
Foolish questions deserve foolish answers and I got plenty! Having to wait 90 minutes extra fuh de plane allow me to learn a lot ’bout all de alcoholic beverages sold in de airport, read all de labels carefully and finally dry out before boarding de new ATR again.
One suggestion to my friends at LIAT: if I have to detour to Grenada on route to Bubbadus dat is fine by me in de new ATR but have a heart nuh. Fifty-plus people sitting pun a plane at 1 p.m. in de day fuh 20 minutes widout de A/C is not de kind of experience dat gine enhance wunnah reputation. Ah begging: either let me off de plane or turn on de damn A/C. More sweat, more water pouring down body parts and not even a Shirley biscuit or li’l sugar water to ease de pressure? And, comrade, I wid you: airport a necessity!
I, Market Vendor, gone fuh now. You have a blessed and a wonderful day, yuh hear?
