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Killing us softly with their . . .

Richard Hoad

Killing us softly with their . . .

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“Oh (bad-word),” declared Angela. “It ent got in no paper!” “Yuh got to wait,” countered Melissa from somewhere under the counter. “It ent blinking,” advised someone else. “When it blinking, it coming!”
The new Rocklyn Service Station charge system in action. Previously they used duplicate books. Attractive young ladies wrote your bill while running the pump. Filled in the amount and off you went.
Now you have to wait at the cashier behind customers buying sardines, Quick Pics, top-ups, bottled gas and drinks. Then wait on the computer for your bill. Progress.
Anyway, while thusly occupied, a Rasta in the line asked: “So, Hoad, you feel George Bush blow up the Twin Towers?” Almost immediately there was a ping in my ear and a familiar voice warned: “For God’s sake, Lowdown, don’t answer that. Old sheep dog! Old sheep dog!”
The familiar voice was Big Puss, our mole in the Secret Service. We communicate by telepathy nowadays. “Old sheep dog!” is code for “Obama scrambling drones”. Or it could mean the CIA is listening. Whichever, you dive for cover . . .
It was Satan who first discovered the amazing power to be derived from influencing people.
“God say not to eat of that tree? Why that tree is better than neem, better than dog dumpling, better than moringa . . . . God must be was joking.”
Throughout history great manipulators have used their tongues to advantage. Napoleon met the regiment which had come to take him prisoner.
“Here I am,” he declared. “Kill your emperor if you wish.” “Vive, L’Empereur!” responded the soldiers and marched with him to Paris.
Hitler whipped the Germans into a fighting frenzy. Jim Jones got 909 followers to drink cyanide and kill themselves. You can get people to do just about anything if you know how to brainwash.
And with a tool like the Internet, you have worldwide coverage. You can induce Blacks and Indians to whiten their skins. Women to boost their boobs and booties. Curiosity could cause VOB’s Carol Roberts to blow US$250 for snails to crawl over her face and leave their moisturizing slime.
Brainwashing and propaganda spawn billion-dollar industries. Some downright dangerous. We were told of the wonderful benefits of Omega 3 fish oil fatty acids. I myself have been taking the damn things for years.
Now recent studies confirm (check it out) that taking Omega 3 capsules may increase the risk of aggressive prostate cancer by up to 71 per cent! You’re a dead Dick, dude.
That may have been a genuine mistake. But there are persistent rumours of epidemics deliberately started allegedly by pharmaceutical companies.
It gets worse. There are “intellectuals” who feel the present world population of seven billion should be reduced to between 1-500 million. And they’re not too fussy about how that can be achieved. Bertrand Russell proposed a “Black Death” in every generation.
There are other methods. Hasn’t it struck you as strange the sudden emphasis on promoting homosexuality? With bullying tactics like boycotting the film Ender’s Game because its author was against homo marriage? Or forcing churches to conduct gay weddings? Or Obama so much into buggery that he bugged the headquarters of his European allies? Homosexuals don’t breed.
We go further. Have you noticed how suddenly young females are sticking pins through all parts of their bodies, turning themselves into virtual porcupines? No one wants sex with a porcupine. Our women could soon become unbreedable.
Worst of all. I had to do research on those young people’s sites. You remember how we had to pay Al Gilkes a “penny a peep” to see a Playboy centrefold? The young people, I was told, have it all on those videos.
They don’t. Every female I saw was . . . well, let’s just say they are about as sexually appealing as, and look remarkably like, the frozen chickens at Carlton Supermarket. Not a feather! No wonder fellows turn to drink and drugs.
Without realizing it, our young people are being brainwashed in every department to prevent procreation. Add to that the soy products which contain plant oestrogens. And the whole GM foods scenario . . .
Our organization, Pooploud Inc., is working to expose manipulative brainwashing. In fact, I can now reveal that . . . wait . . . message coming through . . . Old sheep dog! Old sheep dog! I’m outta here. Way too old to seek asylum in Russia.
• Richard Hoad is a farmer and social commentator. Email porkhoad