DEAR CHRISTINE: He left, now he wants to be a dad
I need your advice on this problem that I have. I recently had a baby for a guy who did not stay by my side when I needed him most. He turned his back on me the moment he knew that I was pregnant because, for some unknown reason, he felt the child was not his own although I did nothing to make him distrust me.
As a result, I was forced into a situation where I had to turn to someone else for help.
This guy helped me with all that I needed for myself and the little one. Now, after treating me so badly, the real father is coming around to make trouble saying he does not want his child calling another man “daddy” and he wants me to come back to him.
Christine, I do not intend to because I feel if a man can leave a woman in her time of deep trouble, she should never have anything more to do with him again, no matter what he might have to offer.
I feel that even if he had doubts he could have waited until the nine months were up and he could see the child was his, but he did not care whether I lived or died.
Please tell me what you think about my situation.
As it is right now, I do understand how you may feel about being rejected and left alone just when you needed him there at your side. You knew you were carrying his child and even after he neglected you, you still decided to bring that child into the world and hang in there.
I think a deciding factor in your life would be whether or not you love him. If he has not totally erased from you any love you have for him then perhaps you can find it in your heart to forgive him.
If you do not love him after his shoddy treatment, you will never be really happy with him. In addition, since you’ve put that bridge behind you, it would not be wise to turn back.
The child is legally yours and you are the fittest person to decide who will help you to care, nurture and raise that child. If he claims to be the father then he should support the child without demanding that you return to him. In fact, he does not have that authority to demand that you do.
I suppose also that since he disclaimed the child he has not even signed any paper acknowledging fatherhood. Love will forgive almost everything but no one can honestly blame you if what you felt for him is no longer there in your heart.