DE MARKET VENDOR: Just letting wunna know, I done wid dat
Never me again. Not me. I will never ever do certain things again, not dis Vendor, I DWD – done wid dat.
I will never ever try to make small talk wid one of Uncle Sam’s immigration officers when entering the United States. I does answer yes sir, no sir, just de basic information dem asking me, nothing more.
Don’t ask me to bring green mango or pommecythere (golden apples) cause somebody pregnant and craving it, de baby could born wid a big head, dat is not my business and if down there get stretch, I hear dum got exercises to tighten matters. If I coming from England, tell de Indian family no spices ever going into dis Vendor suitcase, I pelt away a perfectly good suitcase because no matter how much Clorox I use, de clothes did smell like Mumbai pun a good night.
I done wukking fuh anybody, never ever again I calling nobody boss, DWD.
I done wid insurance too, Insurance fuh house or car, yes, but life insurance, DWD – done wid dat.
I done lending money to people, cause you does lend and don’t ever get pay back. Do not ask Market fuh no loan, I is not a bank. Look fuh somebody who name Ron Davis or Paul Ashby, not de Vendor, I hear hard luck stories to mek yuh weep but never a cent in payback from ’e brutes.
I done wid business houses who want to give yuh a store credit when the item you buy faulty. If I want back my money, dat is my choice. Wunnah goods faulty but I must tek a credit to get what, more faulty goods? DWD.
Dese days things tight; iffing I gine to dinner, I gine where de money does stretch, de food taste good and de price fair. Yuh could tek all de fancy ambience, I want value fuh money. No more expensive restaurants fuh me, bring down de price and cut yuh margins or de Vendor gone. DWD.
Airlines, I onto wunnah – when we would really like to travel, de prices gone up but as de children gone back to school, wunnah got more specials than a dollar store. We want specials all year round, otherwise DWD.
And as fuh dese big shows dat got a lotta fancy categories but don’t deliver de goods after dem got my money, dis Vendor done wid dat. I save me hard-earn money and went wid de family to Trinidad to see my girl Beyoncé. She did awesome but de experience was anything but VVIP, whatever de hell dat is. I will never ever go to a show in Trinidad again by de same organizers – not a drink nor morsel of food, not a chair to rest my legs pun, had to beg fuh water – DWD, done wid dat.
I see dat my girl Rihanna coming to perform here again. De las time i fork out $1 500 fuh a VVIP experience, I thought I was at a bram in Gall Hill – not a chair in sight, over an hour shoving and shouting to get drinks – I feel like somebody rob me of my money, I done wid dat. DWD!
De madam and de youngest daughter gine, but dis Vendor will not be there. I gine see my girl in some big city where if I pay fuh something dat suppose to be extra special, I gine get what I pay for. But fuh now, DWD!
Unless somebody drop off two free tickets, well den, I prepare to suffer.
I, Market Vendor, gone fuh now. You have a blessed and a wonderful day, yuh hear?