DEAR CHRISTINE: He’s hiding our affair from his ex
I have been going with a divorced man for the last three years. For the first year and a half he was living with a girl, then she left the island to live abroad. When she moved out, I moved in and have been staying at his house ever since.
My problem is that he wants to remain friends with this girl. This is okay with me, but he lies to her. When she calls and asks if he’s seeing anyone, he says “No”.
Once when I answered the phone and she asked him who I was, he said, “It’s the maid”.
I am sick of being hidden from his ex. (He tells me not to make any noise when he’s on the phone with her.) What can I do to stop him from hiding me and lying to her? I am not the kind of person to bring about quarrels and fights and I hate arguments. What can I do?
– Girlfriend In Hiding
Dear Girlfriend In Hiding,
You cannot stop him from hiding you or lying to his “ex”, but you can walk away from the situation.
From your description, this man is an accomplished liar and he’s telling lies not behind your back, but to your face. The sad thing is, you’re playing along.
While he was living with a girl (for a year and a half) he was sneaking around with you, and you cooperated. Now that you are living with him, he lies to his ex about who you are. It would appear that he prefers to keep you in the closet.
If you want to spend the rest of your life in the closet, it’s your decision. I have no idea what else you have going for you, but ask yourself if you would you be better off with him or without him. After you’ve done that, act accordingly – hopefully, to your advantage.