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THE LOWDOWN: We want more, Lowdown, we want more

Richard Hoad

THE LOWDOWN: We want more, Lowdown, we want more

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“Since the Queen was proclaimed you can hear them say, ‘Women ruling today!’ I am warning you men that anything you do, they want to do it like you; women going up and men going under and they splitting the world asunder”.
That was an old calypso from way back, maybe the 1950s. It’s amazing how true it’s turned out.
Last Sunday there was an article in the SUNDAY SUN’s Easy Magazine with two telling pictures. In the first, a fellow is begging his girlfriend for a little In the second, he obviously ain’t getting none. Welcome to the club, brother!
Quoting my contention that “When a man gives up his freedom to get married and forsake all others, he reasonably expects to get a little thing on a regular basis”, expert in such matters, Denise Charles, wrote, “Men need sex, women need more”.
You got that right, sister! And trust me, the more women get, the more they “need”.
Some years ago I advised men how to break the “more” cycle in women. If you give them a ring, they’ll want a house. Give them a house, they’ll want furniture. Give them furniture, they’ll want children. Give them children, they’ll want a lawn. Give them a lawn, they’ll want a garden . . . and so on.
Sex will be the lure in the early stages. And the trick is to keep her luring while you keep promising but not delivering. As Dean Martin put it: “Promise her anything, but give her love”. When you get to the later stages, she’ll switch from sex to nagging. Which has its advantages: you get some every day; and going to hell doesn’t scare you any more.
My wife is one of the best: frugal, low maintenance and satisfied with very little. But even she is not immune to the “more” syndrome. I got tired every morning of somebody bumming down the bathroom door just when I have the crossword at my mercy. “Hurry to hell up”, they shout, “it’s coming out!”
A Blades fellow gave me an old washbasin. A Swiss lady gave me a toilet she was replacing. (Don’t worry, those Swiss only do Swiss rolls which are very sanitary.) I thought I was home and dry. Build on a little room.
“How about a glass shower stall?” then suggested the wife. A few days later: “How about a vanity?” Yesterday: “A little cupboard to keep my sheets would be nice . . .” They can’t help it. And we men will do anything for piece. Or peace.
Wives are one thing. It’s those professional type women’s rights activists that really get my goat. There was a group on TV this week, going on about some United Nations convention or something. Lord have mercy!
I rage at the thought that in some countries women are denied the right to be educated, to work, drive a car, marry whom they wish. In Mauritania, West Africa, there is slavery, genital mutilation. Many young girls are taken from age seven and force fed three times a day so that they develop layers of obese fat and grow into big whopsies which the Mauritanian men like.
CNN this week mentioned how Rihanna went to Phuket. Tweeted our ambassador: “I saw a Thai woman pull a live bird, two turtles, razors, shoot darts and ping pong balls, all out of her (”. (I can’t use RiRi’s term which incidentally has dollar signs in place of Ss).
But the ladies on TV weren’t praising the status of Bajan women considering how their counterparts see hell in other places. No, they too want more. More women on boards, more women in parliament. They seem to be on the hunt for women’s rights “abuses” to report to the UN and embarrass Barbados.
I thank God that my mother was there for me whenever I got home. Not in a board room. That my wife was there for her children. That my daughter is here for our grandsons.
In my humble opinion, being a good wife and mother is a far more important role than any you professional women seem to be aspiring to. Just be careful that your thirst for “more” doesn’t leave you having it all. And wishing you didn’t. Men need sex, women need more. Remember that, fellows.