You cannot hurt me anymore
LOOK AT YOU NOW
Well shaven in your black suit
With mock tears
Running down your face.
??Again, dear husband,
You fooled the whole world
Dear people I would not be lying here
If he were loving, devoted
And committed in his ways.
?For finally I am taking a peaceful,
comfortable sleep Your secret is out
You cannot hurt me anymore.
?How much did you pay to bury me today?
Remember our last fight when you hit me and shouted
You’d rather pay an undertaker than spend a cent
In support of our waspish children?
?Eina! You must be angry now
For the undertaker is happy today
Wish you could cuff this casket and throw me out of here?
But you have to control your anger
People are watching you my dear.
?But even in the spirit
I know soon you will join me
And in spirit you will come after me.
?But for now you are a widower
And the very pain you inflicted,
I threw it back on you.
?Shock, numbness, depression
Guilt, panic, frenzy
The struggle between reality and fantasy
The shedding of tears, the flood of grief.
?Loneliness, restlessness, fear
Sleepless nights, broken-hearted
Neglected and suspected.
?Cut away from family
Separated from friends and peers
Your demands as a recluse
Did not appeal to my taste.
?So answer me now, who will
be your honest slave?
Satisfying your sexual needs
Taking care of the house
And our young offspring.
?You were killing me slowly
You threw poison down my throat
And after, give me the antidote
But dear husband you still destroyed
my internal organs.
?I couldn’t breathe, I kept trembling
I felt cold, constipation and indigestion
With fullness in my throat.
?I was unable to row I felt angry and bitter
I saw only a dim light I tried to pray
The words in the Bible were all blurred.
?I tried talking to the parish priest
He directed me to the doctor
But the medicine of sleeping pills,
Diovan and protozac
Could not have helped the problem.
?For it was you
That needed to let go
You forced me
To put a rope around my own throat.
?So dear husband dry those mock tears
And raise our children with a sense of peace
Taking myself away was the only way
To ease the psychological and physical pain.
For I have watched my children suffer enough
The physical and verbal abuse
Had my baby crying continuously
She seems demanding and often clinging.
?My nine-year-old daughter
Is becoming violent and aggressive
Especially at school
Her school work is failing
And at home she is pensive.
?I can’t continue with this marriage
And I know you will not leave us alone
So to protect our young children
I have to permanently go.
Now you have no one to quarrel with
Our house should now become a home
A peaceful haven for our dear children.