Dear Christine,
My partner and I have been together for 12 years. We are in the same age range but do not live together.
For two years I have been seeing another woman whom I refer to as a good friend. My long-time partner suspects there is something going on between us but she has no proof because I am a clever person.
Recently my ex-girlfriend of many years also came into the picture and I see and call her often whenever she is on the island.
My longtime partner and I recently had a quarrel and things I was holding secret came out; such as how my friends feel about her, how uncomfortable I am around her and that both my male and female friends told me she is not my life and I should be able to talk to any woman.
In anger she told me that my friends and I are the same, she is better off without me and she is only in a problematic relationship.
She quarrels about everything. I know I do not take her out to lunch, dinner, a movie, for a drive, to the beach or treat her on special occasions. Do you think I am being disrespectful to her? What is wrong with me seeing other women behind her back? She claims we would live better if it were not for my friends.
I will admit that my long-time partner is a woman who will look out for me from time to time and does not cheat on me. What do you think of all this?
– CONFUSED
Dear Confused,
I am not surprised that you signed off as “Confused”. You most certainly must be living in a most confused state with all the cheating and two-timing you are doing, not only to your partner of 12 years, but to the two other women you’re involved with. I hope you are using some kind of protection and are aware that if you are not, you stand the chance of passing on a sexually transmitted disease (STD) to these women – or the two you are seeing can pass one on to you.
While you may be seeing them whenever the opportunity allows, you have no idea who they may be seeing when you are not available.
In short, you need to change your lifestyle. If you no longer love this woman or want to be with her, tell her and end the 12-year-relationship which, in any case, does not seem to be heading anywhere but a collision sometime soon.
You’ve asked three pointed questions and I have already answered “what’s wrong with seeing other women behind her back”.
Are you being disrespectful to her? Yes. You’re not only being disrespectful, you’re taking her for granted, not even taking time to treat her even though she does not cheat on you and looks out for you.
It may even be true that things would be better between you two if not for your friends, but there’s no guarantee. What I believe, judging from what you’ve written, is that you have lost respect for each other and if that’s the case, maybe you should call it quits.
– CHRISTINE
