Dis past week we been getting hit wid all kinds of animal and insect-borne diseases. It like it is Animal Kingdom, fuh real. Firstly, mosquitoes – dem tiny little fellas causing ruction ’bout hey and licking we up wid dengue. Imagine a li’l fella like dat could cause death and mek UK authorities warn visitors ’bout Bubbadus.
Then we had a scare ’bout bird flu and dat had the health experts scampering to deny – no way, Bubbdus don’t have nuh bird flu – although nuff birds flew over Bubbadus. And while we don’t have bird flu, we definitely got swine flu. Poor swine, to think dem don’t catch flu but got a flu name after them. People falling like flies! Fogging tekking place. I wonder if dat does only kill mosquitoes? Wuh ’bout we human beings? Dat thing does smell real bad!
And just as we about to get over all dese animal-named diseases, dis past week we get hit wid another illness, dis time from politicians – foot and mouth disease!
In Trinidad, Jack Warner, a man of great scholarship and integrity, call de leader of de Congress of de People (COP) a bottom and say dat he agreed to debate de head, meaning my girl Kams, but not de bottom, meaning the leader of the COP! And de leader of de COP say he embarrassed and humiliated dat Jack call he a bottom, but as a friend of mine remind me to tell Jack, if de bottom shut up, de head and de rest of de body does shut down!
But foot and mouth disease running bout hey too, cause after the leader of de opposition file a no-confidence motion in the Minister of Finance, Chris say Miss Mia Mottley seeking attention and dat de only thing left fuh she to do is run down Broad Street naked!
Now Market thought dat after catching “bald pooch cat” disease in de elections earlier dis year, Chris, having recovered, would stay clear of any feline-named disease. And he did, to be fair, but now he got bovine-borne disease and dat one like is causing a relapse. People want he sent fuh treatment before he catch another dose of it.
He should talk to Kerrie pun de other side, ’cause some years ago when Kerrie was batting pun de same side as Chris, he did put down an Academy Award-winning performance, complete wid handkerchief and crocodile tears to de amusement of de crowd, and had called three ladies who would subsequently have to welcome him over on their side, 2 000 pounds of blubber! Kerrie never mek dat mistake again, though he continue to punch like a heavyweight. Memo from Kerrie to Chris: hit hard but don’t curse de women. Curse de men, call dem bottoms, but not de women, Chris!
I remember de late Father of Independence in Trinidad, Dr Eric Williams. Chalkdust was pelting wood in de People’s National Movement. They ask de Doc what he had to say, and he reply: “Let de jackass bray!” Doc was a man who spoke in parables – he get de message across and it used to bite. Who could forget when Jamaica opted out from de Federation and Doc did his now famous maths lesson: “One from ten leaves nought!”
Chris steal de headlines Saturday wid a big announcement dat de only-just-opened Couples resort was now a Sandals resort and Almond Beach Village would be another Sandals brand, Beaches. I guess de fellas let Chris mek dat announcement, but I still wondering how come de Minister of Tourism wasn’t de one?
I, Market Vendor, gone fuh now. You have a blessed and a wonderful day, yuh hear?
