DEAR CHRISTINE: I’m feeling like his cash cow
I need you to help me analyze a situation that I’m in.
I have been seeing this guy for the past 18 months and everything has been going good except for this one problem that I have: he hates to spend money on me.
Please don’t get me wrong. I am an independent person with a mortgage which I pay for and my own car. This man has his own place, an extremely well-paying job and a daughter from his secondary school sweetheart. This child is now 22 years old and earns a good salary.
He never pays Christine, for the time that we have been together he has never invited me out to dinner. Yes, I know it sounds unbelievable, but it’s true. In fact, each time we go to dinner it is at my invitation and expense. He has never once offered to pay or made an attempt to even pay. I also do the tipping.
Last Valentine’s Day he called to say he was taking me out to lunch, then called back to say something had turned up and he could not go. We ended up going to the movies [drive-in] that night, and I paid. His excuse was that he only left home with his debit card.
On my last birthday he bought me a pair of gold earrings (surprise! surprise!), then spent that week complaining that he was short of cash. How much can a pair of earrings cost? On the other hand, when it was his birthday, I took him on a staycation at a four-star property – all expenses paid.
I asked him recently about taking a trip abroad during our vacation. The first thing he asked me was if I was going to purchase the airline tickets for both of us. That did it for me! I decided not to take the trip with him, so I changed the dates to when he would have to be at work.
I have sat back and taken note of this man’s selfishness; yet he has an appetite for only the best. I am beginning to see myself as his cash cow, yet I care for him. I feel caught between a rock and a hard place.
There is no balance in our relationship when it comes to giving and receiving. I give my all and seemingly receive the crumbs which fall from the table. On the other hand, he gives his daughter whatever she asks him for.
Christine, I do not know if I should keep investing in a man who apparently does not appreciate me enough to treat me every now and again. I welcome your advice and the views of your readers. Should I remain in this relationship or get out now?
What I can tell you is that it does not have to be this way. The fact that you wrote this letter is an indication that you no longer see yourself as one who is valued and appreciated. Ask yourself the question: How much longer can I continue in this relationship without exhausting myself and my finances on a man who does little to show he really loves and cares?
There is no law anywhere which says he owes you anything, but I think he is selfish, ungrateful, and, yes, he probably sees you as his cash cow. Why should he ask you to pay for his plane tickets and why must you pay for dinner each time you dine out (sadly, always at your invitation)?
Any man who truly loves a woman will want to treat her every now and again. You should not have to pay your way through a relationship – if you can call it that.
Stop spending your hard-earned money on this man and watch his reaction. If he makes a fuss, you’ll know that he’s in it for the money and what you can give him.
On the other hand, if you cannot put up with his selfishness any longer, simply call it quits. The ball is in your court. Ultimately, you are the one who must decide if you should go or stay. I know what I would do.