Dear Christine,
My letter is addressed to “Worried” whose article headlined Should I Tell On Sister’s Boyfriend? appeared in last Thursday’s Dear Christine column.
Allow me to say this to “Worried”:
This is a very sticky situation and you have to be very careful, because it can backfire on you. First, do you have someone of your own? [I ask this because] you can be accused of being jealous of your sister and her boyfriend’s relationship.
I’ve learned a very important lesson at a very young age: Never put my mouth into anyone’s business no matter how helpful it may seem to me.
You can hire a private detective and get him to do the dirty work for you. He/she should present you with dates and times of activities of the boyfriend and this woman – with any necessary photos. You can arrange to have them drop off secretively without any connection to you. You can ask the detective not to mention or have any connections whatsoever of your involvement.
We don’t like seeing our loved ones being used and abused but there is only so much we can do. Sometimes our friends and family members already know what is going on and they just don’t care. Getting a husband is all that matters to some of them. What they do not realize is that what happens before marriage will continue throughout the marriage.
The time this man is spending with this woman/friend should be spent with your sister. She should be the one who gets to eat at high-end restaurants and go on “outings” with him. I believe it is okay to have friends but one has to be respectful of the ones they love.
In addition, if your sister finds out you knew and did not tell her, she might be angry with you. Either way, you cannot win.
– E.S.
Dear E.S.,
Thanks for your feedback.
– Christine
