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THE LOWDOWN: Keep on doing whatcha doing, Sammy


Richard Hoad

THE LOWDOWN: Keep on doing whatcha doing, Sammy

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Yuh come fuh comfuse muh, just because yuh don’t like muh. Yuh come fuh comfuse muh, ah goin’ to dash a lash in your . . . ask no questions.
Well, well, well, wunna hear Donville? Licks like peas in them Jamaicans. “Mind your own business and look at the rot going on in Jamaica!” We will protect “our babies and grannies”. Whether those in between must break for themselves wasn’t stated.
Donville was too sweet! A slap in the face of those celebrating that Myrie ruling. And those with allegations that we loyal Barbadian patriots are parochial, insular, nationalistic and probably xenophobic. A pox on those alligators, I say.
But tell me something. A CARICOM court makes a ruling which all admit will diminish our sovereignty, make us citizens of some ill-defined entity and see the end of our beloved “pride of nationhood”. We are told we must take this as a fait accompli, set in stone, like it or lump it.
A Constitutional Court in the Dominican Republic makes a ruling in the opposite direction, narrowing the base of citizenship. My question is not whether the ruling is just. My question is how come we must meekly accept the judgment of one constitutional court but feel free to reject and lambaste the judgment of another?
Anyhow, buoyed by that Donville rebuff, I just had to compose a nonsense ditty along the lines of a happy tune of my youth. Hear me:
I’d love to go to school again, to get the skills I lack, Biology and basic French, my knapsack on my back. (Chorus) Valerie, and Joycie, Vi-o-let, what-you-see-is-what-you-get, nowadays, at school, co-ed is really cool.
I’d wave my hand to all my friends, I’d wave to Sank and Roy, our uniforms, our nice new caps, our greatest pride and joy. (Chorus: Valerie . . .)
I used to dread to go co-ed, because I am so shy; but now I know how nice it is, I’d like another try. (Chorus: Valerie . . .)
Okay, let’s cut the hypocrisy. Those knotting their knickers over recent revelations in schools should read Harry Russell’s Diary Of A Randy Old Coot. His main character Sammy started at age five and it was no one off event either. Every night was a bam bam willie . . . .
A teacher responsible for lost and found items at a school in the States once began her report: “When every day you have six hundred boys and girls taking off their clothes and putting them on again, somebody is going to lose something . . . .” This column has tried to point that out many times over.
We are dealing here with primaeval forces, hormone-driven impulses, nature’s best shot at continuation of the species. When conditions are right, no religious instruction, no moral suasion, no fear of laws or disease will stop children doing what comes naturally. Your only hope is physical separation so there is a reasonable chance the daughter you drop at the school gates won’t face the temptation.
Co-education suited the feminist agenda. Girls mature faster in the early years and get a head start on the boys. Meanwhile, boys never get a chance to be boys.
I had two school uniforms at any stage. Each uniform was worn for a full week, no matter what. Underwear was unheard of. Except for a change to sneakers, we played games in our uniforms, ran around during breaks kicking balls, playing cricket, cowboys and crooks. Someday I must try to recall towards which professions the crooks gravitated.
Nowadays boys are supposed to look neat and tidy. And to smell good. No wonder sperm counts and volumes have fallen considerably. Testicles are getting smaller. Female hormones, oestrogens (found in soya beans and elsewhere), are probably responsible.
Meanwhile, renowned Australian researcher Professor Jenny Graves reports that the Y chromosome found only in men is disappearing. Men becoming extinct would be a feminist’s dream come true.    Let’s make the most of what we have left.
Me, I’m trying my best although a cold front early Tuesday morning had me diving for covers. Lots of fun at a Guataka practice on Sunday. Trini, Bajan, Grenadian, Kittitian and even some Jamaican amigos coming together because we wanted to.
Also spending a lot of time with Guyanese and admiring their positve attitudes and self-confidence. It’s a wonderful world, peoples.
• Richard Hoad is a farmer and social commentator.

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