DEAR CHRISTINE: Mum against me seeing ‘boyfriend’
I guess not many 14-year-olds write to you, but here is one who is hoping that you’ll help me in my situation.
I will be 15 in another three months and I am mature for my age when compared to other girls in my age group. I have been talking to a 17-year-old boy for the past six months, and I guess by now I can say he is my boyfriend.
We have been out on a number of dates and we talk to each other many times each day. Everything is going well between us, but the problem is my mother.
She is against our friendship. She does not know anything about this boy because she refuses to let me entertain him at home. I think this is unfair and disrespectful on my mother’s part. All she keeps telling me is to concentrate on my school work. Not much time for fun at all.
We have not been able to see each other as we would like for the past three weeks, and my mother has been ensuring that we do not visit the same places. This is proving very hard for me, as I was previously hurt very badly by another guy who said he loved me then dumped me for another girl.
My current boyfriend has helped me through all this and I really care about him. My mother does not know the extent of our relationship and I cannot call this boy my boyfriend for her to hear. He is a really nice boy.
How can I get her to see things through my eyes?
You cannot! Your mum is one generation ahead of you and will not “always” see things from your perspective.
She has “been there and done that” and you’re now in the early learning stages of life.
Your mother, I believe, is trying to shield you from hurt, pain and from making the wrong decisions.
More so, she is correct in her advice to you to concentrate on your school work, rather than “be hurt” as a result of your friendships with members of the opposite sex.
I cannot offer you any advice that goes against the boundaries your mother has set for you in her home.
By law, you are still a minor, and as a result, you ought to obey and respect those decisions she makes on your behalf.
While it would be better for you to talk to your friend in the comfort of your home, supervised by your mother, she may not be emotionally prepared at this stage to “pass her daughter” on to a member of the opposite sex.
Perhaps things will change when you reach the age of 16 and she’ll have you invite him around for a supervised evening of light refreshments. However, by then he may have drifted
off – as 17-year-old boys are prone to do.