No excitement in my marriage
I AM WRITING this article with tears in my eyes. Why? Because as much as I love my husband and would do anything for him, he has not been displaying any love or affection for me. Yet, he says he loves me.
I either have a wrong concept of what love is, or he does.
Christine, it’s up to you if you want to respond, but right now I just need to vent my feelings to someone who would listen.
I am 44 years old, look much younger than I really am and I consider myself an attractive woman. My husband and I have two children.
Christine, my husband looks after the house – financially – but things have changed. Ask him these days to do anything else around the house and it is a “no no”. I even have to package the garbage and take it out myself.
Christine, my husband was not always like this. He would always help with the household duties, but has suddenly stopped.
What is really eating at me is the fact that this is three months now that we have not had sex. In bed, he rolls over and keeps to one side. I have tried to make love to him, but he shows no interest. After three weeks of trying I gave up.
My husband is always at home. Well, apart from work, doing his personal outdoor chores, and going to the gym twice a week, he is home almost every night. He speaks to me in a monotone manner when I question him and that’s it.
I have asked him what is wrong with us, but he tells me “there’s nothing wrong”. I have even gone so far as to ask him if he is having an affair, and he says he is not.
I feel as though I have lost this man, but I do not understand what is happening and it is tearing me apart. Prior to not having sex, we had what I considered to be a great and active sex life. Now he seems turned off altogether.
I am not the type to have an extra-marital affair, but I can now imagine what some partners go through when their significant other refuses to express love or withholds intimacy.
I am totally at a loss and have decided to spend some time abroad with my parents. I know this will not make things any better, but at least I won’t have to be around a man who has suddenly stopped loving me.
I do not wish to discuss this with my parents, but as I mentioned earlier, I needed to share what I am going through with someone, so I wrote to you.
I know you have not asked for advice, but this is an advice column and I can see you need to understand a few things.
Your husband may or may not be having an affair, but I do not believe this situation is about that. I tend to think that it’s about the mental and perhaps physical state of your husband.
My advice would be to get him to see a doctor and discover why there is suddenly no sex drive on his part. I also believe you two need to sit down and have a good talk in the presence of a counsellor, or even your doctor.
Running away from the situation is not going to help. It could put your marriage in jeopardy. Deal with the situation at hand, and please, please, insist to your husband that you’ll like for him to make that all-important visit to the doctor.