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Love don’t live here anymore


mialisafenty, [email protected]

Love don’t live here anymore

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THERE WAS A time that I believed in love – but no more.
I don’t think that I can ever love any woman again. And if I am foolish enough to go down that road again, for sure I would never be as trusting.
I find it difficult to have any other attitude after giving my all to someone I thought loved me for me and appreciated everything I did to improve the quality of her life.
That woman cheated on me with a fellow who doesn’t even have a job and can’t rub two cents together.
What particularly ticked me off about her when I found out is that he actually slept with her in her apartment whenever I did not sleep over there. She used to call him over when she knew for sure I was not coming.
If nothing else, that was worthless behaviour. I have been told time and again that what I went through was unfortunate and other women should not be judged by her standards because my ex-woman was just a young, ungrateful, sex machine. But for me she represented more than that. To be honest, she was the fourth serious relationship I had which ended with the woman leaving me. Though she was the first to leave me for another man, two others left because they complained I did not spend enough time with them, while the fourth left the island to further her studies and never looked back. I’m still paying her student loan because I stood as guarantor.
They left me though I took good care of them financially and tried my best between the demands of my job and volunteer work, to be there for them. I went through counselling after the last rejection in order to deal with the pain I was going through. That was how hard I took this thing.
The loss of that young woman was too much to bear because she knew how to make me feel like a man – no woman I ever had could match her.
Counselling
Anyway, when I went into counselling, the counsellor told me I had to realise women need more than money; they need love and quality attention.
On the point of not spending enough time with them, I told him that I did spend at least two to three hours a day with each of them at least four days a week, but my job and other volunteer interests were also important to me as an individual, and I just will not drop them.
And if each of them came into my life and found me doing these things, they should leave before the situation between us got serious. But don’t expect to come and change me. In the same way it would not be fair for me to ask them to give up something they loved, and which was wholesome after I came into their lives, likewise it is not fair for them to do that to me.
What I don’t understand about this complaint, though, is what women really expect from a busy man who runs his own business. For goodness sake, how could I be expected to spend more time with them and lose the one thing that allowed me to support them in the grand manner that I did?
I just don’t get it!
The counsellor and I agreed to disagree with each other on this. I understood his point, but I feel very strongly about mine as well.
As for the quality of woman I go out with, he pointed out that in each case they were 19 and more years younger than me and none were professionals like me, so their needs and perspectives would be different from mine. He recommended that in order to minimise this type of complication in the future I should start going out with women closer to my age bracket and professional competence instead of the eye candy I go for.
Again, he and I agreed to disagree on this. Though I conceded women closer to my age and of a similar professional standing would be probably more understanding of my lifestyle, which successful single man in his late 40s goes out with any woman over 30? It’s just not done.
Quite frankly, I can’t see myself going out with a woman my age because whatever beauty they still have would be fading. Look around at the single women who are 40 and over and you will see that many of them struggle to maintain their ability to keep men attracted to them. But I digress. The point I’m seeking to make is that women need to be more appreciative of men who show them love, and if they aren’t serious about the man who is showering them with his affection, they should call it quits. What they should never do is to cheat on that man and lie to him. That is a sure prescription for conflict – even death.
 

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