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DE MARKET VENDOR: Milk of Guv’ment kindness drying up?

marciadottin, [email protected]

DE MARKET VENDOR: Milk of Guv’ment kindness drying up?

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Before de 2013 elections, Prime Minister Fruendel Stuart commented on the amount of requests being made of Government. He said plenty people wanted to “nurse” from the Government’s nipples and given the amount of nursing that people wanted from Government, de Government would have sore nipples.
Given the number of people being sent home because of de economic difficulties, I suspect Government’s nipples not only sore but highly inflamed from all de sucking. In fact, it might even be dat de nurturing breasts and milk of Government kindness may have dried up and all dat yuh sucking in is hot air. This is turn could lead to malnourishment among suckers and all sorts of pain and suffering, manifesting itself in plenty bawling (as evidenced by the suckers on call-in programmes daily) and gripe in de stomach which no amount of gripe water nor comforting pun the exhausted nipples of Government gine relieve.
I wasn’t surprised therefore to hear recently dat Government was moving to set up a new body for greater efficiency in the collecting of Government milk (money) and dat given the sagging breasts and nipples of Government from over-sucking by de suckers leading to no more milk, Government had decided dat it is time for a BRA, also called Barbados Revenue Authority. We are told the BRA will lead to greater efficiency in milk (money) collection to feed de suckers. I don’t know what size cups de Government BRA will come in; I suspect there are going to be very large BRAs. Minister of Agriculture Dr Estwick’s formula (pun intended) is, fill the BRA with a big Arab sinking fund and suck from it as needed.
We should be grateful that Government is not setting up the RAS, Revenue Authority Service. I can just hear de receptionist, “Good morning, this is the RAS, how can de RAS help you?” Would de head of the RAS think Dr Estwick’s formula is positive or not for de RAS?
Suppose the RAS had an automated phone service: “Thank you for calling the RAS. For de top RAS press one, for the next RAS press two, for any other RAS press three, for your RAS refunds press four, to speak to a new RAS officer press five, to report any RAS officer press six, to find out how de RAS operates press seven, for RAS opening hours press eight, for any other RAS matters press nine, if not satisfied you can come and run de RAS.”
Thankfully we are going with de BRA. Could it not be also called BRAS, Bubbadus Revenue Authority Services? Since Government is filled with its own eminent persons I am sure we will have big BRAS, small BRAS and dat the physical figures of the BRAS will fit de persons carrying them since we dealing with “figures”.
De BRA will also have a chair, deputy and board. Imagine being chairman of de BRA. Dey must have a secretary to de BRA; dat person must be confidential and keep matters close to de chest. And who gine fill, no pun intended, de post of CEO of de BRA – dat person has to be able to massage de numbers, keep abreast of de issues.
The receptionist again: “Good morning, this is the bra, how may I help you? To speak to a big BRA press one, speak to deputy BRA press two, to speak to new BRA press three, to get refund of your own BRA milk or Dr Estwick’s Arab milk, press four; for all other bra matters call Victoria Secrets.”
I Market Vendor gone fuh now. You have a blessed and a wonderful day, yuh hear?