DEAR JOHN: Torn between two lovers
Dear John, I recently found myself in a very traumatic situation. I am in my mid-thirties and I am intimately involved with two guys. I was pregnant and did not know for whom. I asked each one for money to have an abortion. They willingly consented and easily gave me the money.
Now as I look back I am especially saddened by what I did. My biological clock is ticking, I have no children and deep inside of me there is the desire to have a life partner and children. Unfortunately, I do not know which one of these guys I should choose.
My parents and close friends know of only one. The other relationship is kept secret as he and I met without anyone really knowing.
I love them both but I know I cannot continue with all two for very much longer.
Dear John, what should I do? Both are in their thirties, decent, have good jobs and are serious minded mature young men who would no doubt become good husbands. My mother wants me to get married before it is too late but I do not know what I should do. John please help me with a word of advice.
– FAIRLY INDECISIVE YOUNG LADY
DEAR FAIRLY INDECISIVE,
Your letter is very disturbing and portrays that you need considerable help and counselling. I do not think a newspaper columnist is adequate for you. Anyhow think of the following:
(1) You claim to love both of these young men. It seems to me you need to love and respect yourself first. I get the impression that you love the physical intimacy these men offer and not the men.
(2) Your biological clock seems not to be working with your brain. To collect money from both of these men suggests that you need desperately need to pull yourself together and begin to live a life where decency and honesty begin to feature in your daily living.
(3) Do not consider either of these men for life partnership. Each one was willing to avoid the responsibility of being a parent and did not seem eager to be a father of your child. This should tell you what they think of you.
(4) Seek advice and guidance from a senior Pastor (preferably female). Explain to her all you could not relate to me in your letter. Be prepared to make the necessary life changes you must make.
(5) Build on the life experience you have had. Do not place physical intimacy ahead of mature commitment and clean living. Do not be too hard on yourself as you seek other male companionship. Be open with your relationships. Avoid secret friendships and do not place money above moral behaviour. Share your body with only one man in a marriage relationship. This will provide a beautiful psychological feeling and tremendous peace of mind. Good luck as you begin to make the changes.