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I CONFESS: Thankful for forgiving wife


marciadottin, [email protected]

I CONFESS: Thankful for forgiving wife

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I WANT to give thanks to my wife for putting up with the silly things that I did.
I am doing this because I consider myself fortunate to have a wife who was understanding enough to forgive me for my folly. Given what I told her and how I hurt her feelings, I know that I am a lucky man indeed to still have her in my life.
Another reason I’m talking about this is that I hope that by reading this some man out there will think twice before he falls prey to his urges, rather than listen to the little voice in his head telling him to steer clear of lusting.
What I did was to have an extramarital affair. But this was no ordinary affair. I became so infatuated with the woman that I actually left home and started living with her.
I became smitten with this woman because of the sex. It was the best I ever had. She was a passionate lover, and knew just what to do to please me. I truly enjoyed being with her.
But having enticed me, this woman did something remarkable which drew me to her even more. In tears she told me that she was falling in love with me and so could not continue together as I was married and there was no future in our relationship. Imagine, she was the one who told me I was wrong to be having an affair with her and for neglecting my children to be with her.
In fact, at that time work was slow, and she used to give me money to help me out. She cared that much.
So we agreed that we would just be friends and we would not be intimate any longer. That lasted for about six weeks as I could not get her out of my mind at all.
My problem was that having been with her, when I went back to my wife the quality of intimacy was poor. I had become accustomed to her energy and excitement, and the routine way my wife behaved at that time was no longer cutting it for me.
As I wanted her, I pushed for our affair to resume. And when it happened again I was totally determined that I would not lose that woman from my life.
That’s when I started insulting my wife about how much weight she had put on since having our children, and how she was no longer fun to be with.
Many a night my wife cried herself to sleep as I did not come home until the early morning after sleeping over at my friend. And the more time I spent with this woman, the less I wanted to see, hear or even be with my wife. It was that bad.
It came to a point where I was tired leaving her house at five in the morning to get home before the children woke up. So I decided that I would sleep there and go to work from there. As I was doing that, I moved out some of my clothes.
My wife and I quarrelled repeatedly about what I was doing but tried our best never to blow up in front of our two children. But as I started spending more time with my friend and less at home, we started having full-fledged arguments in front of them.
This led to the children crying and having all sorts of problems. The girl, the older one, started to talk down to me and show disrespect. She also began to act up at school and even became involved in a fight there and was suspended.
The boy started wetting his bed again, and whenever I was around would be trying to hold on to me to stop me from going out. It came down to my having to wait until he fell asleep to leave.
What brought me to my senses was when my son took in with an asthma attack one night and I wasn’t there to rush him to the hospital. Worse, as we only had one car, which I had with me, and my cellphone was off, my wife could not contact me at all. She had to call an ambulance and, along with our girl, take him to the hospital.
Not knowing all of this, I went to collect the children to take them to school as usual, but no one was there. Not knowing where they were scared the life out of me. All sorts of things started going through my mind.
Things were made worse when I called her and her cellphone was off. That was when I realised that she had called me several times during the night and had left messages.
So I went to the Queen Elizabeth Hospital but by the time I got there, they had already left.
I then drove back home to find my son tired and scared out of his wits from his ordeal, and his sister with a super attitude.
But it was my wife who really frightened me. She was so angry that she grabbed a kitchen knife all the while shouting that because of my worthlessness her son could have died.
Though I quickly disarmed her, her behaviour struck me. I had managed to make a mild-mannered, Christian-minded person so angry that she wanted to kill me. I really had to be a low-life dog – she called me that – to bring her to that.
There and then I told her I was done fooling around, and if she would forgive me and take me back I would never do anything like that again.
Of course, she didn’t believe me, but instead of going to work that day I went straight to my friend’s house and took up all of my clothes. By lunchtime I went to see her and told her that was it and despite her tears and pleas I walked away.
For the next few weeks I had to sleep in the same room as my son as my wife would not let me near her. But I ate humble pie because I was wrong and knew it.
Eventually, we went to see a counsellor at her church and we talked about our feelings to each other and what led to me stepping out. And we pledged to work at renewing our relationship.
It hasn’t been easy, but after nearly four years we are a real couple again, and I thank God for my wife every day.
As I said, it has not been an easy road, but what I have now is ten times better than what I thought I had. That is why I would warn any man against making a trek like mine. It really isn’t worth it. Stick to home. (NA/SP)

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