DEAR CHRISTINE: I want my friend’s husband for myself
I am 18 years old and have just started working at a certain restaurant.
The boss and his wife are family friends whom I have known for most of my life. However, it’s only now that the husband and I have taken special notice of each other.
Since working with him I have been invited to their home as a grown up, unlike the other visits I made as a young child with my parents. This couple entertains a lot.
Anyhow, after a few of these recent social events he started showing some interest in me. I have always admired him but now I think I’m in love with him. We have been out together in places where we can get away from the people who would readily recognise us.
When he first asked that we do this, I refused, but then he said we should talk things over and I went to dinner one night with him. Since then, we go out as often as we can safely get away. My problem Christine is that I get very jealous when he has to take his wife out. I do not think she could ever care for him the way I do. My feelings are strong and I am sure they will grow stronger.
It seems to me that young women like yourself will never learn. Each month [if not every week] this column is flooded with letters from young women who fall for married men, then seek out advice on how to get the men for themselves. It’s either that, or they share the pain and humiliation they are forced to face.
Your case is no different. You are yet very young, but you are aware that what the two of you are doing is wrong. That’s the reason why you have to hide and meet each other. Good heavens! He is supposed to be a family friend whom your parents trust.
This man’s wife takes pre-eminence over you. Don’t fool yourself into believing that he will ever choose you above her. Maybe you’ll get some free dinners, car rides and even some
cash – but that’s all the payment you’ll receive for allowing him to use your body.
The first fact you have to face is that your feelings are not the only thing that matter in this situation; this man is not legally free to court you. I suppose it’s not going to be easy for you to let go, but you must work at putting him out of your life and your mind. If you continue to get more involved, it will soon become public knowledge, and you’ll hurt his wife, who I am sure trusts both of you.
You have many years ahead of you in which to find someone who is free to love you.
Forgetting will take some time and courage; it may even cause some pain, but in the long run it will be to your advantage.
Stop seeing this man right away.