LOOKA LEW: Walk away when she walks out
I read with my two big eyes in the SUNDAY SUN this week, that women’s activist Nalita Gajadhar stormed out of a public forum on domestic violence, blue vex bout comments made by Ralph Boyce, the chairman of MESA, on how among other things, some men reacted badly when they felt mistreated by women after “investing” in a relationship.
I wasn’t there, so I ain’t getting into who was right or wrong for saying what or walking out. But let me start by saying that domestic violence is wrong, no man ain’t to hit a woman nor no woman is to hit a man, but it happens. In fact, many times somebody does end up dead – usually the woman.
But let me ask a question. If a woman got a financially challenged man (yes broke), she supports and encourages him to go back to school and study, she pays for his tuition, he finally lands a good job but six months later he runs off with her best friend, would you say he is ungrateful?
Some would say yes, the man is ungrateful because the woman invested in him, while others would argue that she invested in the relationship. But I willing to bet, that a lot of people, especially women, who just read that lil scenario, will scream yes, he is a ungrateful dog, and after all that she do for him, he shouldn’t treat her so and that he want poisoning.
You see, from the time you start using phrases like “all that she do for him”, you are basically saying that she invested in him, he benefited from the investment and therefore owes her, in other words she now owns him.
And herein lies the problem; this so called investment thing. Now let us switch around the scenario. A man meets a broke, unemployed woman with children and nowhere to live, he supports her and the children and got she looking good with nice hairdos and clothes while he neglects himself, but two years down the road she decides to leave with another man. Whether we like the word or not, that man sees those two years with her as an investment, he believes that she has no right to leave him after all that he did for her and should repay him by staying and loving him, so rather than let her and some other man benefit from his investment he is prepared to kill her.
So if he had to meet her and bathe her in licks, many people, including some women, would say she got what she deserved, but we must change that mindset. You see, I can say that I should be able to leave my laptop on my car seat with the windows down and walk away and come back and find it, but you know what would happen, it would get stolen, then who is to blame? It would be my fault, right? I brought it on myself?
However, it is not as simple as that when it comes to domestic violence, with the last scenario and the man had to kill the woman for leaving him, as tempting as it is to say it’s her fault, we should never blame her and say she brought it on herself. And I notice that some of we blaming the women when men beat or kill them.
It might be hard, but men have to learn to walk away when their “investment” has walked away.
A lot of men do; some don’t, they kill. See ya.