I CONFESS: Sorry I got caught in that drama
A year and a few months ago, I met a “cub” – a young man. Initially, it was just a mild flirtation on my part, but, to cut a long story short, we became sexually involved.
It wasn’t love. In fact, the first night he slept by me I dropped him off the next morning and promptly forgot about him. He called later that morning and said: “You get what you want now and forget about me just so?”
I asked myself, is he for real, though?
Anyway, a friendship of a sort developed.
He mentioned that he was dealing with two other girls and he was going to stop. I didn’t care. I wasn’t looking for a relationship or commitment, for that matter.
One day while we were talking, out of the blue he said that he went by his child mother and they were intimate.
I said: “That is good; it means she still likes you.” He said that might be true but added that she did something to him that he would never forgive her for. I didn’t seek to find out what that was because it wasn’t my business.
This “cub”, who wears a uniform and is easy on the eye, has turned out to be a devious miscreant.
A few weeks ago I was in my bed relaxing when I received a text from him. I didn’t respond because I wasn’t in the mood for him.
A couple hours later the cellphone went off again and I answered it. That text opened a can of worms. In hindsight I should have listened to my intuition and discontinued the texting when I realised something was amiss, but being the person I am, I didn’t.
As a result, I’m being vilified.
The person on the other end turned out to be the child mother who had stolen the SIM card from his phone and was messaging the numbers that she found on the card, and I was just discovering that she was his girlfriend. Well, questions were asked and answered from both sides and as a result a decision was made.
For the next few days and nights I listened to heart-rending sobs from this young woman who was completely demoralised. I tried to offer her words of wisdom and encouragement to help her rebuild her confidence and self-worth, not knowing that I would soon turn out to be the villain in all this.
She told me she had a sexually transmitted disease. She had an affair with one of his co-workers, became pregnant and terminated it.
She even said that he found the tablets she was taking for that termination and went online to see what the purpose of the tablets was, and apparently didn’t find the truth. Along with that, she became sexually involved with four other partners.
I listened as she spoke about the mice and cockroaches she had to put up with sleeping at him, about the broken toilet and kitchen sink, about having to pay his family’s utilities’ bills when they were disconnected and having to lend his mother supermarket money; about how she rented a house and had to pay all the rent, the bills and buy groceries too; about how he gambled away all her rent money, causing her to move back home.
In fact, by her own admission, the man made her feel like she was the worst thing in the world and like she would kill herself. She felt stupid, hurt, nasty and used, and now she is making me out to be a wicked person.
I couldn’t help telling myself what a stupid young woman she was. After all, I was having sex with her man – and she was telling me her life story.
Now she is saying that I betrayed her. I let her believe it. During the time she was texting me, I hooked up with my cougar sisters and friends on video conferencing and forwarded some of his old texts and that new one, and compared them.
I found out where the texts were coming from (technology). She got outsmarted at her own game.
The unfairness of all this is that I was dragged into this – albeit willingly.
In closing, let me say I did nothing but good for my ex-cub. When he was hungry, I fed him; when he wanted change, I gave him; when he wanted help with his assignments, I helped him; in any capacity he needed me, I was there for him.
The lies were unnecessary and I hope that the lessons he learns from this young woman will help him choose his next partner carefully.
Never let yourself become somebody else’s jackass – they will ride you until you drop.