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DEAR CHRISTINE: Fed up with his twisted games

SHERRYLYN CLARKE, [email protected]

DEAR CHRISTINE: Fed up with his twisted games

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Dear Christine, I NEED TO TALK to someone and right now the only person who comes to mind is you.
?Although I am a woman who moves around in high circles and rubs shoulders with some of Barbados’ most influential people, I cannot talk to some of those persons.
In fact, what I am about to share will expose them.
I am a wife and mother and I am pretty well off. There is nothing more I can say about myself, since it would be easy to identify me. My husband and I get along okay. I won’t say that we have the perfect union, but we manage.
Christine, my husband and some of his friends have been involved in a wife-swapping scheme for some time. Those who know about it know about it. Sadly, I have been a part of this scheme at my husband’s request. There are times Christine, when a woman would do anything to please her husband. I have been one such wife. However, I no longer want to be party to such things.
This scheme works in various ways. Sometimes we will meet seemingly for a social event and we must place our house or car keys in a container. The man who pulls your key is the man you will eventually sleep with. On other occasions, names are placed in the container and the same game is played.
Yes, it is best to call it a sex game.
Christine, I have done this for my husband for too long. Honestly, I was reluctant when he first asked me, but then I obliged. Things are done decently and the necessary protection is used, but wrong is wrong. I admit my guilt and have only myself to point at, so I am not trying to point fingers at anyone. I made the decision to get involved and I take full blame for my actions.
Not only wives get involved. Some of these men are married and would take along their girlfriends; others are single. Meetings are held at various places – homes, hotels and so on.
Christine, I am coming out because I want those involved to stop. We all know these things are wrong. Right now my conscience has pricked me enough to make me write this letter with the hope that all those involved would reconsider and stop this type of activity.
I have been crying myself to sleep for quite some time now, but I can never let my husband know.
I hope this letter serves its purpose. There is a lot more I can say and more I can disclose, but common sense tells me I should not.
??– Want Out
?Dear Want Out,
Judging from your letter I can tell you spent much time in thought and consideration before disclosing this information and sharing your feelings.
?There are activities of the sort which become sexual games for the sexual adventurous and those who are bored and want to add some “spice” to their lives. I doubt very much that any woman or wife can get her husband or partner to buy into activities such as the sort you have described, if they are the ones putting the idea to their male partners.
Yet, some husbands are willing to “sell” or “lend” their wives/partners to their “friends” without batting an eyelid. For some wives, it’s no problem at all.
?However, the truth is, not every participant is a willing one. When this is the case, the unwilling individual must put down his or her feet down and say: “No, I cannot, and I will not.”
While you are hoping that your letter will act as a deterrent, I doubt very much that it will stop activities of this sort from taking place. Vultures will always go where the carcasses are.
?I honestly believe you must confront your husband and speak to him face to face about this situation. He should be able to relate to your feelings and respect you for your frankness.
If he cannot, then you have to make another more serious decision – to either walk away from this “relationship” if it too overbearing for you, or let him do as he pleases, minus your involvement.
At the end of the day, the ball is in your court.