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BLABBERMOUT’ BABSIE: A pinch o’ salt – or a bucketful?

mialisafenty, [email protected]

BLABBERMOUT’ BABSIE: A pinch o’ salt – or a bucketful?

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I know I could always depen’ ’pon you to lemmuh know de lates’ ’pon de healf scene, but dis time, is me dat got news I know yuh gine be glad to hear. The Barbados Association For Retired Persons (BARP) (de organisation fuh 50+ people) start a programme to encourage Bajans from eatin’ summuch salt – mek dem realise dat it very bad fuh duh healf, an’ could cause ’nough trouble.
I gi’e dem full marks fuh dah idea an’ hope it gine get t’rough to ’nough people, but I know BARP en got a easy job, when yuh study how Bajans does eat nowadays.
Lord, duh too love duh salt! Fish cakes, pigtails, salt fish, pork chops, fry chicken, even salt bread. Fruits too, yuh – dunks, golden apples, tamarin balls, fatporks – salt mus’ get sprinkle ’pon any an’ evaht’ing. I hear some even put it in coffee to gi’e it a “kick”.
It en no wonder all dem sicknesses like high blood pressure, heart problems an’ stroke tekkin’ hol’ o’ people – young an’ ole – an’ got duh droppin’ like flies. We got a bariffle o’ strokes evah monf, an’ dah en good fuh de islan’.
When I read de “deaff notices” in de Sundy papers, I realise it en only de ole people gine off, thirty-an’-forty-somet’ings too. Philomena swear bline de reason younger people now startin’ to suffer from diseases dat once ’pon a time we t’ought was mos’ly fuh older people, is partly due to de food duh now eatin’. 
I know all ’bout high blood pressure. My mother had to tek pill after pill, ’til finally one day she had a stroke. She was able to survive, but de nex’ one, couple years later, was de en’ fuh she. So chile, I watch evaht’ing I put in my mouf like a hawk.
I hardly use any salt now, an’ I don’ miss it.
I flavour my food wid herbs. Frien’s complain it en got no tas’e – but dah’s dem bizness. I know in de en’, “wuh sweeten goat mout does burn ’e tail”, so ef duh know wuh good fuh duh, try an’ lissen to BARP. Ef yuh don’ hear, yuh gine feel. Stop wid summuch salt. Jes’ enough to prevent cramp.
At times doh, yuh butt up ’pon situations whey yuh feel yuh need a tas’e. Don’ gi’e in! Fuh example, when young fellas “sweet-talkin’” older women ’bout how “good” duh look, an’ how duh much “prefer” dem to young girls, all de time eyein’ duh bankbook – dem words would mek yuh want to tek, not a li’l pinch o’ salt,  but a heapin’ teaspoonful. A “get-rich-quick” letter arrive offerin’ millions ef yuh sen’ yuh bank accounk number.
Hard times bitin’ an’ yuh want to believe it, but is a big “scam”. Yuh would ha’ to tek a “bucketful” o’ salt to mek dah one true . . . an’ en’ up, eithuh “suckin’” it, or dead from a stroke. So lef dah out.
Yuh got a frien’ always “hard-up” an’ needin’ to borrow money urgent. Duh promise to pay it back “definitely” ’pon a certain date, knowin’ full well dey en a hope in hell it gine happen – a “pinch” en much use, a tablespoon or potspoon? Perhaps! Now ef guvment owe you, don’ hol’ yuh breff, jes’ j’in de line behin’ Barak an’ wait. Dah one rough, doh.
I cyhan tell yuh hummuch “pinches” yuh would need. An’ as fuh when election time come ’roun’, an’ politicians runnin’ ’bout promisin’ de moon an’ stars to get yuh “X”, you could only be a moojin to swallow somet’ing-so; dah en even wurf a “pinch”! 
Looka how easy yuh could use a mob-o’-ton salt daily, neh? But hol’ strain’. Tek BARP advice an’ use less, yuh en gine regret it. Jes’ keep a li’l bit handy doh . . . jes’ in case.
Tek care o’ yuhself.
Yuh frien’, Babsie.