DEAR CHRISTINE: Am I abnormal to fall for older men?
Dear Christine, I’m in my mid-20s and I’ve fallen in love for the second time in my life, and for the second time, it is with a man who is 25 years older than I am.
Many friends tell me this is wrong, but I am always attracted to older men and I cannot seem to help it.
I know part of it is that I was very hurt as a teenager and was also very poor. Most older men make me feel secure in just plain dollars and cents. I also feel much more relaxed with them sexually, and have better relations with them. Is this abnormal?
No! It definitely does not seem abnormal to me. If this is what makes you happy and if it also makes your gentleman friend happy, then it is doing no one any harm as far as I can see, and you should both enjoy yourselves.
Many women who consistently fall in love with older men see in them a father they never had.
There is nothing especially wrong with this, although it is best if they recognise and face this.
Many women, when they fall in love with an older man, fall in love with what the man stands for.
In addition, many women, especially those like you who have grown up in conditions of economic need, feel a kind of reflected glory in their husband’s success.
They may also need a great deal of economic security in order to feel loved.
This may sound strange but many of us associate and confuse money with love.
Money can mean comfort and security, although people with a great deal of economic security often feel unloved and may not even see love when it comes their way.
Your association of comfort with material possessions comes from your early childhood. You need to understand this.
If you are going to love, then you must love genuinely and for the right reasons, not simply because of financial gains.