DEAR JOHN: Family friend wants sexual favours
Dear John, why are big men so wicked and deceitful? My father’s best friend is constantly harassing me for sexual favours. John, I am now in my 20s. Our families are close and I am very upset and disappointed at this man’s behaviour.
His oldest daughter is my close friend. We often discuss men and their behaviour and I am finding it impossible to tell her anything. I believe this will destroy our friendship and damage the respect she has for her father. This could also spoil the parents’ relationship too.
He is also beginning to get too physical. He is touching me inappropriately and attempting to kiss and fondle me. Please, John, tell me what to do. I am truly hurt and exasperated at his behaviour towards me. I consider it an attempt to abuse and violate me, one who has literally grown up in his house. Now I have no respect for him as a man or father. If I were to tell his wife and children and my parents what will that do?
– YOUNG AND DISAPPOINTED
DEAR YOUNG AND DISAPPOINTED
Strangely enough this situation is one that seems to occur quite often. I have received many letters telling me about similar situations. Nevertheless, I will deal with you and your position:
(1) This too will pass. There is much you can learn from this episode. Consider this as part of your growing up and maturing. Whatever you do, do not give into this man. As much as possible avoid situations where you will be with him alone. Keep yourself pure and maintain your ideals and principles.
(2) Tell him that you have always admired and enjoyed the relationship between your two families, Stress from your earliest days you have seen him as a father and has always had respect for him as such. Explain that you are very surprised and disappointed at his behaviour because you see yourself as his daughter.
(3) Remind him that you and his daughters are very close and you do not want to be forced to have to tell them of his behaviour as this will damage the family relationship especially the wonderful friendship between him and your dad.
(4) Over the next few years you will no doubt experience different approaches from different men who will be seeking intimacy with you. Let this be an object lesson for you and kindly strengthen your response toward men who behave crude and inappropriate towards you.
(5) Remember there are many good and respectable men out there. Be wise. Keep pure and hold on to your ideals.